Teaching jj

Chapter 20

"We're almost there, Alexandra," she practically spat out. "So let's just listen to some music and enjoy the rest of the ride."

When JJ tried to take Emily's hand in her own - a gesture of comfort, of friendship - Emily harshly pushed it away, sending JJ's hand flying into the compartment box in front of her.

"Ouch!" JJ cried out, rubbing her knuckles against her jeans. "That hurt!"

Despite herself, Emily couldn't stop the anguished words from bubbling up in her throat and leaving her glossy pink lips.

"You're right, JJ. That did hurt. That hurt more than you'll ever, ever know."

Fifteen minutes later, following a long period of silence so loud it was deafening, they pulled into the driveway of the beautiful two-story house they'd be calling home for the next few weeks.

"Well, we've arrived, Alexandra," Emily announced, unable to hide the traces of bitterness in her voice. "Our dreams have finally come true."

She didn't wait for a response, just looked underneath the doormat, finding two sets of keys, and unlocked the front door, collapsing on the couch in the living room with her eyes closed. Waiting. Not waiting for JJ, but for this feeling to go away. Praying that it would go away. And yet knowing, deep down, that it wouldn't. Knowing that the best she could do was merely to pretend that her heart hadn't just been torn out of her chest and shattered into a thousand pieces. And, worst of all, knowing that she'd have to express her love - Vivian's love - to someone who was just faking it. Just doing her job.

Behind her, Emily heard the door close and lock before JJ sat down next to her on the couch. "Vivian? Hey, Vivian?"

Emily opened her eyes, prepared to feign exhaustion and suggest going to sleep, until she saw the expression on JJ's face. The honesty in her eyes.

"I know we fought in the car about whether or not this was what I really wanted," JJ murmured, grabbing Emily's hand and intertwining their fingers. "But I do. I'm just ... I'm just scared. This is all so new to me. Like ... like when I found out you were a lesbian and you touched me and ... um, and when I stopped going to class ... It wasn't because I didn't want you. It was because I did, and that terrified me more than anything. So this ... this terrifies me more than anything."

She leaned forward and kissed Emily with passion, with intensity. "You were always better at adapting to new situations," she continued, brushing her lips briefly against Emily's. "I need you to teach me. Will you do that? Will you teach me how ... how to be brave like you?"

Emily sat up and cupped JJ's face in her palms, gazing up with adoration underneath her long, dark eyelashes. "I'll teach you," she promised. "I'll teach you everything you want to know."

There was no resistance, no hesitation, when Emily pressed her lips against JJ's, their hot tongues meeting lightly and briefly before JJ herself deepened the kiss, her tongue exploring the inside of Emily's mouth with a newfound desperation, an urgency that she'd never exhibited so wantonly before.

"Let's go upstairs," she panted, "and really make this place our own."

Emily smiled to herself and took JJ's hand in her own, trailing behind as JJ hurried to the bedroom, forcing Emily to skip some of the plush carpet steps just to keep up, and began haphazardly disrobing.

And then she said it.

JJ actually said it.

"After our first night together, I knew I'd never be the same again. I just never imagined it would be this good, that I'd want you this much. I never imagined that I'd ... that I'd love you this much."

Emily stepped forward and held JJ in a tight, fierce embrace, running her hands down her lover's bare back and kissing her shoulder to obscure the tears of joy brimming in her eyes.

She never could have known that, by turning her head away to hide her own emotions, she'd missed one crucial clue about JJ's:

The conflicted reluctance on her face.