Teaching jj

Chapter 26

"Hey, babe?" Emily said casually, closing the back door behind her and reaching toward the kitchen counter to save the memorized digits in her BAU-issued throwaway phone. "Put this number in your cell."

When she handed the piece of paper to JJ, her eyes widened in fear before she quickly blinked it away, swallowed hard, and uttered a simple "OK," typing the number into her contacts list.

"Are you done with the espresso?" Emily wanted to know, taking the note away from JJ - who seemed unable to tear her concerned blue eyes away from the message at the bottom - and placing it back into her pocket so she could dispose of it. "Since you were so thoughtful in making it, I'm going to clean up and then we should check out the town."

JJ nodded, still apparently dazed by what she had seen. Emily remembered that feeling all-too-well from her first undercover assignment. The feeling of clarity that suddenly hits you when you're forced to acknowledge that this isn't just some innocent role-playing game, but a governmental mission requiring you to be two people at once. Requiring you to perfect an invented persona that demands your complete and realistic transformation, while also requiring you to hold onto your true self in a deep, hidden part of your brain that no one else can reach - and, realizing that if you fail, you risk not only your own safety but the safety of countless others relying on you to seamlessly pull off this act of duplicity.

Which was why, Emily finally admitted to herself, she and JJ never should have taken this assignment in the first place. Why she should have spoken to Hotch privately and asked for a different undercover partner, perhaps from another unit. Why the only reason she didn't at the time was because she was blinded by love - so blinded, in fact, that she'd managed to put the object of that love into a grievously-dangerous situation - and, until this very moment, hadn't even been able to consider the realistic possibility that her own feelings had clouded her judgment from the very beginning and would continue to cloud her judgment as the case moved forward.

"Go upstairs and put some shoes on," Emily said gently, meeting JJ's eyes under her dark lashes. "And bring mine down, too. The black boots. I'll clean up. OK, honey?"

JJ nodded her assent numbly and headed out of the kitchen, toward the staircase.

Think like a profiler, Emily mentally ordered herself, turning the knobs on the sink to wash away the residue from the espresso filter. A profiler would never send a note to a potential victim if that note could place them in danger. Think, Emily, think. How would Spencer expect me to get rid of something as permanent as ink?

And then it hit her. The ink wasn't permanent. It couldn't be, or Spencer never would have risked giving it to her in the first place. So she took the folded paper out of her pocket and, frowning, double-checked the digits in her cell phone. Praying she'd been right, she pretended to drop the note in the soapy water. "Oh shit!" she groaned, for the benefit of anyone who might be watching her - but when she saw the ink completely disappear, leaving absolutely no residue to indicate that anything had ever been written on it, she mentally gave herself a triumphant high-five. The ink didn't just bleed away: it was gone.

Emily felt JJ's presence behind her just as she heard her uneasy voice. "What happened?"

"I dropped the phone number and e-mail in the sink," Emily responded, feigning chagrin. "Good thing we managed to write those numbers down first, huh? 'Cause this paper is a mess."

JJ peered over her shoulder and saw the blank paper, visibly fighting a relieved smile. "You always were a klutz," she admonished.

"I know, I know," Emily sighed, rolling her eyes and lifting the soggy paper out of the espresso filter, shredding it in mock frustration as an extra precaution before dumping it in the trash. "So are you ready to hit the town?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," JJ replied with a grimace.