~Will I always have you?~Irondad and Spiderson Fanfic~

Chapter 10: Without him.

A/N: sorry this is kinda late, just needed a small break from life 😕

Steve watched with sadness as the life in Peter left him, everything that made the boy Peter was gone, including Tony. The pair were a match made in heaven, a meant to be duo, they were two sides of the same coin. But with one side gone, how could the other continue?

The worst part wasn't the anguished cries, it was the deathly silence. The wordless air and the cold eyes that came from Peter, the way he just looked so utterly defeated and lost. No one knew what to say, there was nothing to say to make anything better.

Bruce had taken over the role of driving, wordlessly taking the front seat of the van and taking off. Steve knew why, he wanted a distraction. They all wanted one.

There was a small weight added to his shoulder and he looked to see Bucky leaning his head against it. The man sighed and looked up at Steve with sad eyes. No words were needed, they were both hurting and they needed eachother.

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When they arrived back at the Tower Peter felt sick, just seeing the building brought back memories that he never wanted to remeber, even the ones he had always treasured and held close to his heart. He could barely keep his eyes open, everytime he so much as glanced at the ground he just saw Tony's still body, emotionless face and cold hand-

The boy flinched when a hand grabbed his shoulder and tensed up slightly.

"Are you alright to go in?" Peter quickly glanced at Clint before focusing intensly on a plant. He nodded stiffly.

They all entered through the main doors and took the eleavtor up towards their floor, each of them trying to ignore the constant reminders of Tony not being there. The silence was thick and heavy, unspoken feelings drifting around aimlessly.

Peter swallowed and closed his eyes, he didn't want to ever open them again, he never want to so much as glance at anything related to the man, he was gone. The only person he had left, gone.

The doors pinged open and he pushed past everyone else, rushing through the room and going straight towards his bedroom where he slammed the door shut.

"Should we go after him?" Bucky asked.

"No," Loki sighed and looked sadly at the ground, "I know what it feels like to loose someone that close, to feel like it's all your fault. He needs his space."

Thor nodded in agreement and placed a reassuring hand on his brothers shoulder.

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Later that day Peter sat on his bed, a soaked pillow laying next to him while he held his head in his hands. At this point he had given up, the moment he went into his room he knew he couldn't avoid anything that remined him of Tony.

The picture of them Tony had copied for him, the same as the one on his desk in the lab, the Iron Man pyjamas the man had insisted on buying, the pillow that he was now clutching was the one he and Tony had had a spontaneous pillow fight with.

He looked down at his dirty Spiderman suit, he felt sick of it, he didn't deserve it. He couldn't be a hero if he couldn't save his own Dad.

He stood up and pulled it off, grabbing one of Tony's huge shirts to wear, it smelt like oil and grease and everything that was just so Tony.

Peter hauled his body over to the balcony and opened up the glass doors, feeling the cool air rush around him and the wave of busy New York traffic sound in his ears. He walked out and climbed up onto the roof, the one he had last been on when he lost May. It seemed like years ago but at the same time it still felt like a still-healing bruise. The mark still there but the pain slowly diffusing.

The boy walked to the edge and looked out over the city, watching the people rush past, the cars whizzing by. He sat down on the ledge and let his legs hang down.

He didn't know what to feel anymore, everything that he was, everything that made him happy, it had all turned sour. He didn't want to find out what a life without Tony was like.

A life without Tony was one he didn't want to have.

The boy hung his head in his hands, gripping at his hair as the tears spilled down his cheeks and onto the rooftop. He could barely breath with how hard he was crying and how weak his lungs felt, he would surely make himself sick if he didn't stop.

Peter could almost hear Tony's voice in his head, telling him to take deep breaths and follow the beat of his heart. He could almost feel his arms encircling him and holding him close, allowing him to be sad.

But when he opened his eyes there was no one there, of course there wasn't. He layed down and curled his knees up to his chest, tucking them in and hiding himself from everything.

Feeling exhausted from crying he closed his eyes and willed for everything to go away, hoping that by some miracle he would wake up and Tony would be there.

But he wouldn't.

Because Peter already had a nightmare, and this time, he hadn't woken up.

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word count: 922