Miss Americana // The Beatles

Chapter 44

Chapter 44

February 11, 1965

"Are you sure I look okay?" Maureen asked me for thousandth time.

I looked over at her. She was in a white matching set with her hair in a bun and a net hairpiece neatly around it.

"You look beautiful, Mo. Like a bride," I told her.

I looked out the window. We were in the back of a black car driving to Caxton Hall for her to marry Ringo. When she told him the news of her being pregnant, he insisted that they get married right away. Probably because she was only eighteen and he didn't want her parents to think ill of her getting pregnant before marriage. I was so happy for my best friend, but deep inside I was sad. I wanted to be the one getting married. I wanted to be someone's wife, have babies, keep a neat house. Besides music, that was my one dream.

"You alright, Sasha?" Mo asked me quietly.

I nodded, "I'm so happy for you. I know you're so happy with Ringo. Just remember what I told you. Never let him slip away. Fight for him, Mo. Don't end up like me."

"You're seeing John again today," she mentioned, "He's coming. He's back from holiday."

I nodded quietly again, "Cynthia will be there. George will be there."

"Maybe you can sneak away," she suggested.

I shook my head, "It's too risky. Anyway, today is about you."

***

"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Richard Starkey. You may now kiss your bride."

I stood by George as I watched Ringo lean in and sweetly kiss Maureen. I couldn't believe my best friend was married. And to Ringo. I remembered her admitting her crush on him to me at NEMS. George wrapped his arm around me and kissed the side of my head. John and Cynthia were here. I hadn't seen him in weeks, and I had found myself really missing him. We had been sneaking glances at each other throughout the ceremony.

Everyone started to mingle afterwards, and I told George I needed to slip off to the toilet. I walked in the bathroom taking a deep breath and leaning over the sink. I found myself contemplating my own life during my best friend's wedding. I was supposed to have a wedding years ago. I still wanted to. George just wasn't ready to get married, and right now, I don't even know if I wanted to marry him the way I probably once would have. It was more complicated now.

I heard the bathroom door open and the click of a lock sound. John rounded the corner bringing me into his arms. I breathed him the scent of him relaxing in his arms.

"I missed you," he said quietly, "The holiday was absolutely dreadful. It was fun skiing, but I would have rather you been there."

I pushed him away, and talked in an angry whisper, "Then fucking do something about it, John."

"Like what?" He spoke back to me in a hushed tone.

"I'm waiting for you, John," I said, "I don't know how much longer I can sneak around and play both sides. I want all of you or nothing. And I can't have all of you if she's still in the picture. I'm breaking down, John. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I love you, John. I always have. I want to be with you more than anything, and I'm tired of lying to myself. If this is just a fling, though, and you have no intentions of leaving your wife, then tell me right now."

John put his hands on my cheeks, wiping my tears with his thumbs, "I love you, Sasha, and I want to be with you. Trust me. It's all I've ever wanted. I told Cynthia that I've been unfaithful to her on our holiday. The last night we were there actually. I didn't tell her it was you, but she knows I'm unhappy in the relationship now, Sasha. It won't be long. I wanted to give you some time to talk to George because I know it won't be easy for you."