Miss Americana // The Beatles

Chapter 34

Chapter 34

February 10, 1964

"Thank God, that's over," I said as Maureen and I went into the bathroom at the hotel in Washington, D.C.

Maureen stopped me before I went into a stall, "What the hell is wrong with you? You were kind of rude to Cyn. Every time she was talking, you couldn't have looked more uninterested if you tried."

"I'm sorry, Mo, I have a lot on my mind is all," I told her.

Maureen was my best friend. I told her everything, but I didn't know if I wanted her to know what happened last night. She knew about everything that had happened with John. I remembered the time when I finally opened up to her.

"What happened last night, Sasha? You were dancing with John, then you left with him."

"Ssshhh," I looked in all the stalls to make sure we were alone in here, "I don't want to talk about it. I'm so ashamed of myself. John and I...we were so drunk, and I don't even know how it happened, and I just..."

"Get on with it, Sasha," Maureen laughed.

"Fine," I sighed, "We had sex. All night. Over and over. It was amazing, and I hate to say it. I can't even remember everything but I remember how I felt."

"Wow," was all she said, "I kind of knew it was happening."

I panicked, "What do you mean?"

"They way he was looking at you in the club," Maureen said, "I've never seen someone want to rip another person's clothes off like that before."

"Oh, fuck off, Maureen," I chuckled.

She laughed, "I'm serious. I thought he was going to take you right there on the dance floor. So it was incredible, did you actually come?"

"God, Mo, stop it," I placed my hand on my forehead, "I have a big problem that I realized this morning."

"What?"

Tears came to my eyes, "I'm trying not to cry. I can't remember if he wore condom or pulled out, or...God, Maureen what will I do?"

"You'll be fine, Sasha," Maureen said, "It will be okay. You two were absolutely wasted. Just pretend it didn't happen. Come on," we started to walk toward the door of the loo, "So did you actually come or what?"

I laughed, "I remember three times actually."

"Three?" She said laughing and opening the door, "Damn, Sasha. Maybe you should consider that to be a regular occurrence."

"Absolutely not," I laughed, looking at her.

I ran into someone, looking up to find John there.

"I think Ritchie wants me," Maureen said.

"Mo.."

"Come here," John grabbed my arm and dragged into a broom closet.

"John, I have to go," I said, trying to leave.

"We need to talk, Sasha," he said, grabbing my arm again, "Last night, we have to talk about what happened."

"I can't, John," I told him, looking into his eyes, "I feel so guilty, I feel like a whore, I feel..."

John shut me up with lips, "God, Sasha, I missed you. You don't how much I missed you."

"John, it was a drunken mistake."

"It wasn't a mistake, Sasha," he said, "It didn't feel like a mistake. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for how much pain I've caused you. I should've listened to Stuart all those years ago instead. I've never been able to forgive myself for what I did that night, and I thought you hated me. I have a lot of regrets about that time after."