Miss Americana // The Beatles

Chapter 18

Chapter 17

August 25, 1960

It's  been a month since  the incident with John. Preludin and alcohol were a  dangerous mix for  him. Along with the stress from the band, John could  become very lethal  when intoxicated with the magic potion of alertness. I  had been  slapped and thrown into a few walls, but nothing ever came  close to how  he hit me in July. He continued to order me around and talk to me in a way that made me question if he truly did love me deep down.

There were rumors that  we were to  be moved to The Top Ten Club, the best club in Hamburg.  Bruno, the club  manager wasn't too happy about this, since we would  take all of his  business to the other club, but he would just have to  get over it. I  hoped we moved soon. A better club with a new manager meant better living  arrangements.

We  had tonight off this  week, so me and John went out dancing at the  various clubs to spend  some time with each other. Stu had tagged along  with us since Astrid  had gone away with her mother for the week. Stu sat  across from us at  the table drinking a beer with his sunglasses on.  John had his arm  around me. He reached in his pocket and popped a couple  Preludin into  his mouth. I frowned. I had tried several times to get  John to stop  taking them, but his stubborn mind wouldn't budge. He insisted that he wouldn't be able to go on without them. Even though the other boys indulged in a occasional dose, they still were concerned that John was taking too many. He was  on his fourth  beer of the evening.

"Mama," he hadn't called me that in a while, "Kiss me."

He  had a pleading look  in his eye and desperate tone in his voice. I  couldn't resist him. I  began to plant soft, wet kisses up and down his  neck. I saw Stu turn to  look away at the dancing crowd. John opened his  fifth beer.

I pulled from his neck, "John, do you want to dance?"

"Not now," he replied, taking a swig of beer, "You're not leaving when you just started doing what you're were doing. Don't be a fucking tease."

Stu turned to look at us again ignoring John completely, "I want to dance as well. You could dance with me."

I  looked to John for a  response, but he rolled his eyes and suddenly didn't seem to care that Stu had  asked me to dance.  Stu took my hand and led me to the dance floor. We  danced to a couple  of fast songs that the band played. I hadn't had this  much fun in a  while. Stuart and I were laughing whilst dancing across  from each  other. I don't remember the last time I laughed. It made me remember that I really hadn't felt truly happy in a long time, possibly the trip back to Paris in April was the last time. I was so sad nowadays. My relationship was failing, and as much as I tried to fix it, John wouldn't budge with his behavior. I was even getting burnt out on playing music, something that was once my only dream. The leader of  the band  announced that they were going to slow things down a bit. I  started to  walk back to the table, but Stu grabbed my wrist.

He pulled me close, "Stay and dance with me. Look at John, he's pissed drunk. There's no telling how many beers he's had."

I  began to dance with  Stu to the slow song the band was playing. This was  supposed to be a  date night with John. We had wanted to get away from  all of the crazy  of our recent lives in Hamburg, and I was dancing with  Stu. I was  having a great time, just not with John. Stu cared about me. He wanted to make sure I was okay because he saw firsthand how horrible John had been treating me and how depressed I truly was. Stu was my best friend at the end of the day, and the only person who could be an escape from John.

Stuart looked  into my  eyes, and his face was millimeters from mine. He leaned in a  touched  his lips to mine softly. Before I could enjoy or pull away, I  was being  dragged away from Stu.