AM Conversations (Niall Horan)

Chapter 43

OLIVIA

I was exhausted when everyone left and we both walked to Niall's room slowly without sharing a word. I got undressed and put a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on and when I turned around, I realized he was doing the same thing, jumping slightly to pull his pants up.

"Can I ask you something random?" he wondered, without looking at me.

The fact that his eyes wouldn't meet mine made me frown and I just licked my lips, shrugging a shoulder.

"You can ask me anything, you know it."

I kept looking at him but he was just standing on his side, looking at the wall in front of him as he put his shirt on and I felt my heartbeats accelerate. I didn't know what he wanted to ask, and I didn't know why he was avoiding my gaze, but it started stressing me. He cleared his throat and looked down at his wrist as he took his watch off.

"While I was gone did you... I mean, you spent a lot of time with Louis so I was wondering if you had... thought about him in a... sexual way."

My lips parted in shock as I kept staring at my boyfriend. I probably remained quiet for a bit too long because he finally turned to me, his eyes meeting mine.

"So?"

"Why would you ask me that?" I frowned more, wondering where exactly that came from.

"And why won't you answer?"

Something instantly seemed to click inside me and my traits softened as my heart twisted in my chest. I took a step closer and shook my head lightly as he kept looking at me. I didn't want to have this discussion. I was tired, a bit sad because of all the comments I had read online about me and the last thing I needed were those kinds of questions, but I felt like it was deeper than it seemed and it hurt me in a way I couldn't explain.

"You're asking me that because you did... you wanted to fuck someone else when you were gone. Maybe more than one girl, too." I let out so low, watching his face change. "You said you didn't cheat on me but you... you wanted to do it."

"Okay so I thought about shagging one random girl after being away from you for weeks, it means nothing!" he quickly let out, his voice a bit louder than I expected. "But you! You thought about one of my best mates fucking you! Maybe even here! In my house!"

"I never said I thought about him like that!" I argued, raising my voice too and taking a step forward. "You know I love you!"

"This is not about love! It's about sex!"

"You said it was linked!" I let out, almost screaming. His face changed again and I could swear I read guilt all over it. I swallowed hard and my voice got back to a normal tone. "Remember? You said it's normally not linked but that this relationship was different."

"Did you or did you not think about Louis like that?" he asked again, ignoring my comment.

I blinked a few times, trying to remember the feelings and thoughts i may have had when I spent time with Louis but to me, it was ridiculous.

"Does it make you feel better?" I asked, shaking my head a bit, not believing we were having this discussion. "Would it make you feel better to know you're not the only one who wanted to fuck someone else? So you can stop feeling guilty for flirting with that girl in an other country while I was here waiting for you to call?"

"You're avoiding my question!" he said in an angry tone, making me frown.

"No! My answer is no!" It took me a few seconds to realize that tears were falling down my cheeks but I didn't know if I was crying of pain or anger. "You're alone in that, Niall! So that bad guilty feeling eating you up? You fucking deserve it!"