AM Conversations (Niall Horan)

Chapter 27

OLIVIA

I was still crying when I parked in front of Niall's house and I stayed a few minutes in my car, my forehead leaning on the wheel as both my hands gripped it tight. I didn't know what I expected but when I felt Niall's hand on my stomach, I was shocked. I knew we had been talking about sex a bit before and of course I was sad, but I didn't link that with the fact that Niall wanted to pleasure me. Just thinking about it again made my heart jump in my chest and as hurt as I was at this exact moment, thinking about the words he whispered in my ear and his hard cock against my thigh was turning me on in a way I couldn't explain.

Finding out the next morning that he still had a girlfriend and that what he did to me meant nothing was extremely rough. I had felt so light as I fell asleep but now everything felt heavy, even breathing. Especially breathing.

My tears kept falling on my cheeks as sobs escaped my lips and I suddenly felt so mad at Niall that I wanted to scream. I started hitting the wheel roughly, letting out a short yell, and although I knew I probably looked pathetic, I couldn't help it.

"I love you okay! I fucking love you Niall Horan!"

Just expressing it out loud made me nauseous as my whole body started throbbing. Did I ever say these words before? I was pretty sure I hadn't. The closest was when Harry asked me if I loved Niall and I said yes but other than that, I never wanted to say it.

I stopped hitting my car and started crying again for I don't know how long but when I got out of my car, the tears had finally stopped. My eyes were red and puffy but at least I was not crying anymore. I unlocked his door and walked inside, not liking how quiet it was without Niall around. I was not used to be here without him but since he was at my place and that I had rushed out, I needed some clothes to get changed and I was not ready to see him again.

I walked to his room and found a pair of jeans and a band shirt that I left there a while ago and quickly dressed up before sitting on his bed. I couldn't help but play the scene of our first and only sexual encounter over and over in my head. How good his fingers had felt, how hot it had been to find out he had masturbated thinking about me, how turned on I was to feel him grind his hard dick against the side of my thigh.

I turned my head to look at his bed, knowing it would be wrong to touch myself right there and then but still considering it. I felt my cheeks burn at the thought and finally shook my head. I was sad, so sad that my heart was even more broken then it had been before, but most of all, I was mad at myself for thinking Niall could be interested in me as more than a close friend. i knew Harry had said otherwise and I had allowed myself to believe it for a few hours but now the fairy tale was over.

I felt so conflicted by all the feelings inside me that I just closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing. My emotions were all over the place and I didn't know why I felt horny all while feeling extremely sad and in pain. I was about to lay down in Niall's bed when my phone beeped.

I sighed and forced myself to look at it, scared that it would be Niall. I didn't feel ready to talk just yet and I knew I wouldn't be able to tell him no if he wanted to see me. To my surprise, it was actually a text message from Julie and it made me frown. It's not that we didn't get along but she was mostly Liam's girlfriend to me, whom was Niall's bandmate and nothing more. We had spent some time on tour together but even if I really liked her company, she spent most of her time with her boyfriend while I spent mine with Niall or Harry.

'Need to talk, can we come over?'

The 'we' implied Liam and I was suddenly curious to find out why they needed to talk to me. Curious enough to answer the message immediately. I couldn't tell them to come to my place since Niall was still there, or I guessed so, and asking them to have a discussion in Niall's house while he wasn't there seemed plain wrong.