AM Conversations (Niall Horan)

Chapter 18

NIALL

I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling something stir in my stomach. I was nauseous and I was not sure why but I just rolled on my back and spread one of my arms to reach for my best friend.

The last very short conversation we had had drained me and I didn't know why. She seemed mad that I had kissed Maya and the reason why was a mystery too. After all, she was with Harry now, and it was not the first time I was seeing someone. Now that I thought about it, she had never been too keen on me dating or seeing girls, even if only occasionally. Perhaps, just like I was, she was scared she'd lose me. That thought made me sigh but I kept my eyes closed. If she knew how much I love and care for her, she'd never fear something like that.

I frowned, realizing Liv was not in bed and opened my eyes, rubbing them quickly before sitting up. The room was dark and quiet and I waited until my eyes were used to the darkness, blinking a few times. I didn't know where she was and I couldn't pretend it didn't bother me but at the same time, i didn't want to believe she'd just ditch me to go spend the rest of the night in Harry's bed.

I decided to get up and go grab something to drink, using this short walk to the kitchen to see if I could find her. I didn't even bother to put more clothes on and walked slowly in the hall in just my boxers, yawning and passing a hand through my messy hair as I dragged my feet against the carpet.

The whole house was silent and I simply opened the fridge to grab a bottle of cold water. I moved in front of the sink and looked at the starry sky by the window. It had been so awkward after Maya and I kissed and I was pretty sure it had something to do with the lack of feelings I had for her. When I saw Olivia rush to the bathroom, I was a bit taken aback but it's only when we discussed a bit harshly in bed that I realized she was mad at me for playing with Maya's feelings, or she thought.

I knew I hadn't made any promise to Maya but although she knew it was just an attempt at something serious, it didn't mean I wanted or was ready to just jump into this. I just hoped she knew what this implied but I pushed the thought away and sight.

Something outside caught my attention and I had to blink a few times, squinting my eyes until the information reached my tired brain. It's only when I saw Harry pull himself out of the water to lean his whole body down that I realized that Liv was laying beneath him. I could clearly see they were both naked and held my breath as she wrapped her arms around his neck, moving her knees up a bit to trap him between her legs. I could hear my heart thump all over my body and without thinking, I walked quickly to the sliding door but stopped myself right on time, my hand on knob. I closed my eyes, breathing in and out a few times, as I tried to reason myself.

I couldn't go there to disturb them and make a scene for the second time today. I had promised I'd mind my own business and accept them together but it was harder than I thought it would be. I squeezed the knob harder, groaning low and keeping my eyes closed, trying to convince myself to walk back to the room. In fact, walking out there and throwing a tantrum to two naked persons while i'd stand there in only a pair of boxers would look ridiculous.

I shook my head a few times and turned around before opening my eyes and walking back to the darkness of my room, closing the door behind myself. Holding a sigh in, I slithered under the covers and lied on my back, both of my hands behind my head. I thought about the day before, when Liv and I washed the dishes together, and it made me smile. It was tiny moments like that, that made this whole friendship so awesome. My heart seemed to stop when I remembered how she looked, her shirt completely soaked after the friendly water fight we had and I shut my eyes tight. I couldn't take the image out of my head until it was replaced by the sight I had witnessed just a few minutes before of Liv completely naked with my bandmate on top of her. The fact that I was seeing her naked (or almost) so often these days was troubling. Was it always like that and I was just realizing it?