Oxford Boys

47. letting go

I'm captured between fear and euphoria. The look on Michael's face was hilarious. No one here would ever dare to touch him, because of his parents. I mean they fucking love him here anyway, he's good looking and very popular, but even if there has been trouble no one would ever dare to touch him. Well Evans has no idea about it.

"He might press charges against you", I say worried on our way back to the house.

"I don't fucking care. If Jake had heard his words, he probably would have killed him, that bastard can be glad I only threw one punch. He deserved far more. By the way, I am fucking proud how you dealt with him in the first place."

"He fucking creeped me out. Who the hell does he think he is, to dare to touch me again? And then make it sound like we were a great love couple who simply had fun together. It disgusts me."

"I don't fucking trust that guy and I'm glad when we leave this place on Sunday. Will you be staying at your apartment after that? You took everything along today."

"Yep, you said Emi is leaving tomorrow, means I have a couple of weeks I can save the money for bed and breakfast and perhaps get something else sorted out by then."

Evans simply nods in agreement. Once we reach our house, I take care of Evans hand which is quite swollen by now. I put some ice on it and disinfect the small part he scraped open somehow. It's only once we start getting some rest, everything breaks down on me.

He knows where I live, what if he wants to take revenge? Thinking about it I start trembling and tell Evans about my fear. The locks on this house aren't exactly safe. I make sure to close all the windows and double lock the front and the back door. Cuddled up to Evans we watch Guardians of the Galaxy. He's become my new safety zone. Once I start feeling drowsy I beg him to stay the night next to me.

"I can't Sam", he whispers with hurt in his voice while giving me a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Oh, why not? I'd feel safer with you here." I say quietly.

"As much as I want to Sam, I can't. Lying with you here like this is ok. But sleeping next to you, in your bed is something else. Damn I still feel an awful lot for you Sam, but I know it's one sided. Sleeping next to you, not having full control of which body parts I might be touching during sleep. I'll be wanting to feel you while sleeping, sorry I just can't do that."

"I like you too Evans, a lot". it nearly comes out as a whisper.

"I know Sweetheart. But you love Jake and Jake loves you. Right now you are just trying to run from it. You know I'm not that kind of jerk to take advantage of it. Besides both of you are my best friends and I am not risking that. Look I'm here for you, just please don't ask me to cross a boarder I am fighting so hard not to cross. Damn because I really want to cross it Sam, I want to so badly even if it's wrong. I've learned to accept it and if I hadn't had a few Guinness tonight, I probably wouldn't even tell you all of this. I love you too much, to let you do the wrong thing, you need Jake."

Fuck I know he's right. All I am doing is taking advantage of Evans feelings for me. I like him a lot, but I could never love him like I love Jake. And with this we are at the same point as weeks ago. Why did I even think, Evans feelings have subsided? Well he acted like it didn't mean so much to him anymore and perhaps he didn't realize it until tonight again. Respecting Jake and me like this as his best friends, definitely makes him to one of the best people I know.

The thing is, only the thought of him leaving my room, lets me tremble again. Why am I such a pussy when it comes down to Michael? Other guys don't scare me. I've learned to deal with them and my MMA sure has helped me gain self-confidence. I won't put up with other guys pushing me around, why the hell does he creep me out like this? Even after all these years and all the training, all the other guys I've kicked in the ass, I feel powerless when it comes down to Michael.