Oxford Boys

11. confronted with my demons

⚠️Trigger warning: This chapter might trigger you if you have been through abuse in any kind of way

Strong arms wrap around me, lifting me off the ground into a cab. His arms don't leave me and I am seated on his lap. Tears keep streaming down my face.

"I've got you Statement girl. We are taking you back home now, ok?"

I simply nod, while the sobs get even louder.

"Can you stay tonight Evans?", I hear Emi ask. "I don't know if I can handle this on my own. In all those years I've only seen her once like this and that was the night it all happened."

"Don't worry as long as she needs me, I'll be right there."

I hear him sigh loud. "I had no fucking idea."

"She doesn't talk about this, she's been through hell because of it. And what you heard tonight is only a very small part of it."

"Why didn't she mention she knows Jake?"

"That's not for me to answer. You will have to ask her and to be honest, I don't know if she is going to tell you. Sam has built up a wall over years to protect herself and she is damn good at it. Even I only get to see the weak Sam, when she is really down. This week has been hard for her and she dropped part of that facade for me. But I've known her all my life and besides her Grams I am the only person who ever stuck to her. All she wanted and needed tonight was a fun night out, I worry how this will throw her back", she sighs loud. "I really shouldn't be telling you all of this and I am going to stop at this point. Just promise me one thing Evans, be careful with her ok?"

"I promise."

His arms wrap tighter around me, as he carries me out of the cab into our apartment. He lays me gently down on my bed. I still can't stop sobbing. When Evans gets off my bed to leave me alone with Emi, I clench my fists into his shirt.

"Please don't leave", I cry.

I don't know why? Even if Emi is here I need his strong comforting arms around me. It gives me a feeling of safety, something I haven't felt in a whole while and I like his smell it's soothing me right now a little.

"I wasn't going to go. Just thought you might want your bed to yourself. I'll stay right here on the chair."

I shake my head, clench my hands harder into his shirt nearly panicking and start sobbing harder against his chest. He understands and comes into my bed. Immediately I lean against him crying my balls out, his arms comforting me while Emily behind me is caressing my back.

"It's ok Sweetheart. It's about high time you let that out, you know I've been waiting for this reaction for years. You've been holding back for so long."

I don't know how long I keep up crying. It seems like forever it's as if something has dropped on me tonight and I am unable to stop anymore. Every time I feel like I am calming down, I hear Jake's words again and start sobbing like mad all over again while my whole body is trembling. It's like it's on endless repeat. Never ever in my whole life have I cried this much. The feelings are overwhelming me, there are flashbacks scaring the shit out of me and I feel unable to fight my demons back anymore.

**********

At some point I must have dropped off to sleep. I only realize as I wake up with Evans's and Emily's arms wrapped around my body, both fast asleep. My eyes are totally crusted from all the crying and my head is killing me right now. Definitely too much booze and too much crying.

What the fuck got into me to let myself drop that low last night? I feel so embarrassed, god and Evans caught it all. I need to get my act together.