Oxford Boys

12. working in a pub

Ok, how do I answer best to this question. Yes, I like to fuck around in between and have one-night stands wouldn't really help getting away from the image of being a whore. Which I'm definitely not. Evans doesn't seem to be the guy to judge people that fast and I still feel guilty not telling him about what happened with Jake this week. So, I guess sticking to the truth as answer is my best option.

"I hope you don't get me wrong for what I am about to tell you now and besides Emi no one knows about this", his eyes are soft and full of curiosity.

"First of all, I hope you don't think bad about me after what I am telling you now, but I want to answer your question truthful.

As mentioned I lost my virginity that night. The moans, touches just everything about it, is burnt into my soul. After everything that had happened I wasn't able to trust anyone and didn't want to either.

Two years ago, I started working in a pub in the town. I did notice I still feel attraction for men. Men would flirt with me in the bar, but it was off limits to have it off with guests. So, I started going out to clubs on the weekends just for the sake of flirting and I started noticing that if I felt really attracted to a guy physically and he would touch me, for a few moments I would be able to forget those terrible touches from that night.

That's how I started having simple one-night stands. I'd have it off with a guy once, kick him out or leave his place. The pain from the past and everything else was numbed out for one night.

Don't get me wrong it's not like I constantly did it. Before I came here there was even over half a year completely without. But that's what I do. And now I am nearly sure, you think I deserve being called a slut or whore."

God, I can't believe I am telling him all this shit. The first guy besides Jake I might be interested in a little more than just sex. Hell, where did that just come from? Am I or am I not interested in him? My fucking mind is killing me right now.

"Sam why do you think, I would think you are a slut? Yeah you might have had some sex with some guys, so what? What do you think half the students do?

I am nearly sure most of them have fucked around more in the last two months, than you in the last two years. And none of them had the excuse to numb the pain. I am really sorry you had to experience it this way.

All I can say is, the more you tell me about yourself, the more I am fascinated by you. You're amazing strong and have fought for your life. You have an amazing attitude and hell I find it awesome and damn sexy you are off the norm. So please don't think bad of yourself just because some dumbasses put you down. Take the new start here in Oxford you wanted, no one here is going to stop you."

"Well besides Jake perhaps."

"Look I understand you hate him after what he did to you. And I am sure not going to blame you. I'd even go so far, to say at the moment I would like to rip Jake's head off myself. But there is one thing you should know about Jake. We have both spent a year here together, he's become one of my best mates, we throw a lot of parties together. I know he acts like a man whore and a jerk around girls, he has this really bad attitude but one thing has fallen into place for me today. Remember how he came to me about the drugs on the party?", I nod, not knowing what he is heading for. "Jake won't let anyone take or deal drugs on our parties especially not if girls are involved. Any conclusion why?"

I don't know if I am just too dumb right now or something, I don't understand what he is pointing out so I shrug.

"Ok, maybe you are too involved in this whole thing and hurt to see it. But his girlfriend got raped while being on drugs, he didn't do a thing about it. And now he won't put up with drugs what so ever. It's only now I understand he is trying to protect those girls from the same thing that happend to you. You might not want to hear it, but I guess in some kind of way it haunts him too. And believe me I am not trying to protect him, what he did was so wrong."