the deal :: jenzie

seventeen

THE DEAL

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MACKENZIE ZIEGLER

now that i was alone at home, i could finally get my thoughts together. i had so much going on inside my head.

getting "scolded" by everyone in front of john was, very embarrassing. it was the first thing i thought about. what would john think about me now?!

"this is no way to speak to a person!"

when he said it, i got kinda nervous about what they'll think of me, now that i'm already a bitch in their eyes.

"i'm not just her boyfriend, i'm her fiancé."

what he said was technically true, but we weren't doing this cause we fell in love. we did it because we made a deal. and now that i think about it, it hurts.

"do you know how excited kenz was to finally meet you all again?"

i really was. but that's not what i thought about first when he said that, i thought about what he called me. kenz. he made up a nickname for me. and him saying a nickname instead of "ms. ziegler" made my whole heart just melt. and i'm smiling while thinking about it.

"she kept smiling even in her sleep."

how could he possibly have known that? even i don't know that! does he watch me sleep? does he have insomnia? if he does, i'm sure there are better things to do rather that watching me smile like a whale.

"she deserves an apology from you all."

i knew i did. i did deserve an apology. but i refused to speak anything. i was frozen and speechless.

that is why, i am so grateful to him for defending me. no one has ever done that to me.

whatever i'm thinking about, my mind somehow goes to him.

me adoring his smile, his face, loving my new nickname and what he did today makes me doubt myself.

do i like him?

i know, we'll only be married for a year, that too for a deal. with no informal shit most of the time. so what's the point of liking him?

i can't control my feelings, and now i've fully realized that.

i like mr. asshole.

♡♡♡

she admitted it! what do you think? will she tell john?