Apathetic |[D.S]| 1

40. "i can't love you"

a/n
this is more of a night time read unless you wanna read it now but i recommend night. better for the setting. some of my favorite quotes of them are in this chapter.
happy reading!

'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it will rain
...

Lou's POV

"You shouldn't be here right now," I sigh trying to close the door on him but his foot stops me.

"Don't you think I know that?" He asks and I can smell his breath that's laced with the deep smell of alcohol.

"Daniel if you knew you wouldn't be here. You're drunk though so why does it matter you won't remember this-

"I'm not drunk, Louise! I'm going to remember this whether you think it or not." He cuts me off as he enters, closing the door behind him as he stands in front of me.

"You won't Daniel." I try and turn away to walk to my room but he grabs my arm spinning me back around and I hit his chest. Staring up and gazing into his blue eyes.

"I'm not gonna forget this Louise. I am going to remember every little word that comes out of my mouth." He doesn't even stutter as he lets go of my arm that I pull towards my chest the second his grasp leaves.

"You won't Daniel! So do us all a favor and leave! No one wants-

"...Me here? I know okay! For fuck's sake, I've known that for a long time but it isn't gonna stop me right now Louise!" He yells at me, the veins in his neck bulging as he speaks harshly towards me.

"Then tell me something and let's test it!" I scream back, my head tilted up to match his. "Why are you here Daniel? You are drunk so give me another reason to add to that list!"

"I'm here because I can't stay away," he pauses, his face softening as he uses his hands to talk, "I can't run away from you! I've tried so damn hard to stay away because that's what you want! You don't want me Lou and I can't live like that! You make me wanna be a better person okay?" His hands clench up on fists as he pounds then against the door as his back is pushed against it.

"You showed me the world in color Lou! I don't see in a black and white world anymore. I can't live without you and you have moved on so I don't know why I'm here or what I'm doing trying to talk to you I just need you to hear that."

"...Okay?" I perk up, crossing my arms and his eyes fall helplessly.

"You aren't just a quick fuck to me or a nobody Lou. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me!" Daniel's voice raises again and starts to break towards the end of his sentence.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Daniel," I wipe a tear that somehow ended up on my cheek. I wish I could wrap my body up in a ball and hide away from him.

"I want you to say you feel the same way. I want you to say that you want me. I want you to say that you haven't felt like this before. That you don't wanna lose me because I sure as hell don't want to lose you." Daniel's voice physically breaks my heart. The sound of it paining me and making the pit in my stomach go even farther.

"Daniel I-

"I'm not giving up on us Louise. We can do this. Forever. We could go back and forth all day if you wanted to but I'm not giving up what we had. And I'm sorry if I can't stay away or control my eyes because I can't stop looking at you. You moved me in a way I thought no one could. You saved me from a place where I had no genuine hope. I can't sleep without you why do you think I asked you to stay the other day?"

"Daniel," I cry as I turn away and head for the bathroom in the hallway locking myself in there before he can come in.

"Can't we just talk about this! Please, Lou?" Daniel's voice sends a crack straight through my heart as it's muffled sound against the door. I feel and hear his fist hit against the wooden door and I pull back in a second.

"Daniel I can't do that to her. You know that" I blink a couple of times so I won't start to cry. Even though he can't see me I don't want to show myself as an emotional wreck to him.

"She's gone, Lou. I think about her every day. If I had known what was gonna happen things would be different or that it should've been me... My father wouldn't have hated me maybe, my mom would remember, my brothers would be here with me, my sister would be safe. God if I could take her place in a heartbeat I'd do it...I'd do it, Louise."

"Daniel-

"No. I would do it because I would've never met you. You would be happy. You'd still have your best friend. I wouldn't exist. Your high school and college life would be surrounded by those you love," he sighs, sniffling, "It should've been me."

"Don't say tha-

"Why not Lou! You'd be fucking happy! We wouldn't be here doing this right now. Sure it would be my worst regret because I would've never met you! You drive me to the edge and you have no fucking idea how much of an influence you have on me. No matter what I tell you, you won't think of it as something real." Daniel pauses letting out a breath before continuing.

"You being happy is all I want. You came to college for a new start and I fucked it up to you. Well, let me tell you something...I have never seen you look more alive. I think I bring out something in you that you were scared to be. You are so much more and I make you discover those parts of you. Answer this question for me...do I make you happy Louise Blythe Mitchell?"

I don't say anything. Too scared to that Daniel will bust this door down or that I will stutter over my words and sob in between them all.

"Cassidy wants you to be happy. She'd want both of us to be happy. Together or not Lou, she'd want that." Daniel talks through my muffled sobs since I'm covering my mouth. My hand on the doorknob wanting to turn it but my mind is holding my heart back from letting me open myself back up to him.

"She'd want everyone to be happy. To be at peace with their lives and move on. She would want that." Daniel's voice sounds calmer and I can feel him move against the door, hearing his back slide down against it as I put my hand on the door, sitting down as well.

He's right.

God why the fuck is he always right? For someone so messed up, he isn't that bad when it comes to the truth. It reminds me of Damon in the show. Stefan is somewhat good but will cover it up with lies while Damon speaks the truth but isn't good whatsoever.

"Lou, can you please say something? Anything?" He begs as I press my knees into my chest holding myself as I wipe my tears with the cuffs on my long sleeve shirt. I don't think I can physically say anything and my mental state has no words.

I make Daniel want to be a better person. He makes me feel alive. I bring out the best in him...and he makes me happy...

"You're drunk." I spit out, not listening to my heart. I hear Daniel sigh on the opposite side of the door.

"Don't you see that I'm trying?" His voice breaks again and I can imagine him point at his chest as he is grabbing his platinum blonde hair. His grasp is gripping. I can feel the door shake when he pounds his fist against it again.

"You were everything I ever wanted and still are!" He screams, "Just hear me out-

"Why the fuck should I listen to you, Daniel? You know damn right you messed my life up! When I look at you and it just reminds me of how much I wanna kiss you and how much I wanna slap you! I don't know how I feel because I know you make me happy but I just...I can't...I can't love you."

a/n

okay so i know i promised this one to be longer but i have no other words for this one hahaha this is basically just dialogue so sorry!

hope we...liked it- i mean the writing at least i know some of us don't like what happened...i think...

<3

remember to vote!!! ✩✩✩

till the next

xx

hannah (: