✔️Damaged - Choi San x Reader (ATEEZ gang)

Chapter 8

No ones POV
It has been a week since y/n went back to her parents house to pick up her clothes. She has barely left her room, she will not talk to anyone and she locked her door so no one could get in. The only time y/n has left the room is to shower but she made sure not to bump into anyone. The members have been leaving food outside y/n's room for her to eat but she has probably only eaten 1 meal a day out of the three.

At the start, the members were begging y/n to come out and eat but she would just ignore them. After a few days they gave up. Even Seonghwa had stopped trying to talk to her. Mingi never spoke to her since the argument. The only person who was still trying to talk to y/n was San.

He knew what y/n was going through. He went through the same kind of things. All of Ateez helped him through his problems when he needed them the most. They were a family after all.

For y/n, today has been the worst day so far. She was sat shaking and unable to move. Not because she was cold but because she hasn't had a pill in a week. Honestly, y/n looked a mess right now. She was a mess right now but she couldn't do anything about it because she was trying to be her better self.

When y/n felt stable enough to move, she decided to go to the bathroom to shower. She felt weak as she stood up, struggling to walk to the door. Y/n pulled the door open and there stood San.

He looked at how the girl had changed in a week: her hair was everywhere, she looked tired and weak and she had lost a lot of weight. 'Is this how I looked?' San thought to himself. Y/n wrapped her arms around him needing comfort. She had been adamant that she didn't need anyone to help her for the past week. However, when she saw San, she knew that she needed someone.

"I need a shower San" y/n mumbled. He then asked "do you want me to help?" For the first time in the week, y/n took up his offer to help her. San picked y/n up and carried her to the bathroom. San placed y/n in the bathroom near the shower and told her that he would wait outside.

Y/n got in the shower and did what she needed to do. After y/n had finished, she wrapped a towel around her and brushed her teeth. Once y/n was finished, she trudged to the door to see San still waiting for her. He helped her back to the bedroom and came in to talk.

"Look y/n, I will be there for you if you need me. I will never judge you for anything you have done or will do. I have had a few problems myself in the past and I can help you if you want the help." San promised.

Y/N's POV
I decided to tell San my story.

"It started when Mingi left. My parents were hurt when he left. They searched for Mingi for a few weeks but started to give up after. Mingi was their favourite child. He always was before and still is now. All the time, they would say to me 'why can't you be like Mingi?' They always compared me to him. It was as if I was never good enough. Even before I turned into who I am today." I took a few breaths then carried on.

"When Mingi left I still got compared. He was great at everything. He studied hard and always got top marks in every class. He always had lots of friends, was always approachable and he was handsome. My parents always used all of this against me. I guess they just wanted me to be a better person but I was never good enough for them. Even when I tried my hardest. That was when I ended up starting to drink: soon after Mingi left. I would go to parties just so I could drink and smoke. There was no way I would have got away with doing that at home. One day, I got upset at a party and this guy came up to me with a pill saying it would 'make me feel better.' Honestly, it did. I felt so much better. I would go to parties every week from then on and I bought the drugs off the guy every time. I made sure to get enough for the week. I started getting more and more addicted. It fucked me up but at the same time it kept me sane. As I went to more and more parties, I met more guys. I hooked up with lots of them. It wasn't hard because there was always someone that wanted to hook up and the drugs got rid of any fears I once had. Lucas became one of the guys that I went to the most. He was probably one of the only people that could help me forget everything going on around me. Every other guy made me forget while we were hooking up but I just felt shit again but with Lucas it was different. He helped me and was always there for me." San was still taking in everything that I was saying.

"After a while, I tried to give up the drugs. I wanted to stop so badly but the withdrawal symptoms were killing me physically and mentally. I felt weak without them. I was shaking and I couldn't stop sometimes. I started getting bad thoughts in my head and I started having anxiety attacks so I ended up taking them again to get rid of all that. It also didn't help that my parents were still constantly harassing me to be more like Mingi. This has all been going on since Mingi left until now." Tears started to fall and I was sniffling.

"What Mingi said to me really hurt. I know I am a whore but he didn't have to be so mean about it. He hasn't been there for me in three years so why should he tell me what I can and can't do. He left me San! I know it might have been so he could keep me safe but it still really hurt. He was the only person who ever told me that I am doing well and I am good at things." I was now a sobbing mess. San came closer and held me for comfort while stroking and playing with my hair.

"I had similar issues to you! I did drugs for a while, I went out partying whenever I could and I would hook up with someone every time I went. The thing that caused me to go insane was my parents death." I looked up to San. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I want to tell you!" San mumbled and I nodded for him to go on. "I had been out with my friends at the arcade until late. At around 11:00pm I got home and witnessed the worst thing anyone could witness. It was my mum and dad lying in a pool of their own blood. Someone had murdered my parents. I still see that image some nights when I sleep. Sometimes I try to avoid sleeping so I don't see the image of my parents dead again. Anyway, I got taken to a foster home but the family I was with abused me. I always thought at first that foster homes were where the foster parents would help you and fix you but that wasn't my case. I was beaten with a whip, burned, slapped, kicked, punched, you name it and they did it. One day, I decided to run away. I got my backpack, packed a few clothes and packed my plushie, shiber. I then snuck out my window and ran as far as I could. I was nearly 18 at the time but I couldn't stay there any longer. I ended up sleeping in one of the tunnels in the park for a few days but one night a guy found me asleep. He had seen me at the park asleep for the past few nights in the same place. He thought I was dead at first but when he realised that I wasn't he took me to his home. When I woke up I was confused. The guy let me stay with him and 5 others. They were a gang and the guy who helped me was Wooyoung. He begged Hongjoong to let me stay which he finally said yes and I have been living here since."

He paused for a moment then carried on.

"I was ok for a while after being in the gang but I began getting nightmares about my foster parents coming here to take me away. I started going to clubs to get everything out of my head. After two years of this, I couldn't deal anymore. I had to do something to get rid of the pain. I bought drugs. I saw comments on the internet saying that it helped people with similar issues so I thought I would try it. I ended up getting hooked. I started bringing random hookups back to the house after going to bars and clubs. Mingi was now with us in the gang now too so he witnessed me at my worst. After about 1 year, I decided I wanted to get better and stop. It was hard! I almost relapsed 3 times but the guys kept me strong every time and helped me all the way through it. I have been clean since then so about two years. I still smoke occasionally but only when I am stressed over something and it is never illegal substances."

San finished his story and I was shocked. I didn't realise he had gone through such a tough time. He is always so happy and hides it really well. I don't think anyone would guess that he went through all of that.

"San, if you ever need someone to talk to, you can come to me as well. I will try and help the best I can. I may suck a bit at giving advice but I will try to help you as much as I can." I promised. I don't want San to ever feel hurt again. He is way to caring and doesn't deserve any pain in his life again.

"The same goes for you, y/n. Except I don't suck with advice." San commented while laughing. The best thing about San is that he is great at lightening the mood. He can make anyone feel better just by being in the same room.
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Thank you for reading! I'm sorry if the information isn't precise with the drug symptoms and that. I don't really know much about the different drugs but I thought the storyline would be a good idea. I have looked it up a bit though to help me with the story.

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