past oblivion.

isn't she lovely?

[ 12. 20 ]

you ever had someone feel so close, yet so distant? that's her, for me. she's what feels to be a million miles away in a part of the united states i probably won't see, and the only time i've heard her voice at all lately is when i stalked her instagram. but i feel a connection with her, no doubt.

her. i feel like she's my dark side when i'm light, and my light side when i'm dark in the head. she's the one that brings me back to reality while i could live in this naive bubble of 'peace, happiness, and love'. she's consistent in her somewhat jaded view of the world, while i can't decide on if everyone is good with varying degrees of badness sprinkled in them, or if everyone's bad with varying levels of goodness imbedded in them. basically, in some aspects, we're nothing alike.

other aspects, i feel as if we're the same person. sometimes it's scary that she can read me the way she does, but i know it's not quite that deep ; if so, she'd believe how lovely of a person she truly is. 

i hate hiding things from her. it's not everything, i swear, just the stuff i think would make her less proud of me (if she ever was), or something that would make her love me any less. cause i don't want that to happen - she's my non blood, bloodsister. and i feel like if we were bloodsisters, we'd be even closer than that. 

she's lowkey my savior, too. i know that even though there's this thin wall between us, i can break it down if i need to talk to her about something that's troubling me (and i hope she knows she can do the same). it's been done multiple times - 7th grade, when i'd had a crush on someone i was never sure of cared for me, and 8th grade when i was confused for my first actual feelings for a girl, she gave me the straight facts, with no sugarcoating. but the whole time, she reminded me that no matter if anything worked out, i'm a good girl and she'll fly to st. louis to stomp a muhfucka if need be.

i just wanna meet her and hug her and give her the world, she deserves at least that much. she's so high on my fucking list of people i care for ; she's right up there with my girl, they're both tied for number one. i often let my mind wander about how our meeting would go - would she be quiet, would i be awkward and annoying her, would we be laughing, or would it just be a lot of hugging going on?

point blank, this girl is amazing and lovely as fuck. anyone who says she's not can go deepthroat a chainsaw. (yes my nigga, it really is that serious.)