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raindrops, sliding from the sky, freefalling to earth, crashing. that's how i feel, stuck in that "oh shit" moment before the crash.
you don't even know...
how i long to smell the rain, feel the wet earth on my feet, have the rain fall into my crown. instead, all i've got to work with is the stench of sweat and desparity, feel the boundaries of my ribcage get tested by my heart becoming too big for my chest.
why is nothing i do enough for anyone? no one's satisfaction in me is shit else but temporary, thus my satisfaction with myself is less than temporary. a vicious fucking cycle.
why is it that i pour 110% of myself, of the love i have, into everyone to feel whole but at the end of the day, i'm emptier than when i began?
was ignorance bliss? were things better when we didn't know about struggles, and the fire was burning but the smoke kept us ignorant?
why must everyone need a break from me? am i that unpleasant? what did i do? or if it's not me, what is it?
why is it that you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't? caring or not caring, either way, has its own way of hitting you when you least expect it.
what in the hell happened to my positive outlook on life? why the hell is wallowing in self-pity becoming my only pastime? why am i being so selfish?
lastly, who's gonna save the heroine of this trainwreck called life once she's burnt out? who'll help the no-angel fly after she can't go on? who'll save all the people she tries saving when she's been kicked down so many times her damn self?
i need to sleep, my vision for everything is blurry and i can't envision a way to make everything right tonight. maybe tomorrow i'll pick myself up and give saving the world another shot, but for now, i've been kicked down and need time to recuperate.
YOU ARE READING
past oblivion.
Poetry"what can i really say?" used to be my words, when i didn't know as much. when i got older, i responded to myself. "everything." now, i realize that i can use my breath to speak on everything in existence, from dust on jupiter to the depths of hell...
