past oblivion.

i know why.

[ 12. 18 ]

you always had been 

scared 

of loving me.

you wouldn't hold my golden hand

in your delicate brown one

in public

when i offered it to you, outstretched;

my ruby red lips went unkissed by you

until the shadow of night

fell over us 

through the windows of home,

where you had no problems with

that

or with anything.

midnights had become the most

bittersweet

of times for me -

you showed all the love,

said all the things that

you feared during the day ;

nightfall was your

truth serum.

but things took a change when

you took me to the country fair,

won me prizes

(though none better than your affection, 

which was all i'd ever wanted)

and though you said

you had to go,

and left me by the house of fun,

i'd thought "damn, this is the time".

that evening,

i left the train ticket on top of your

journal, so you couldn't miss it

with a note attached -

"meet me at the station

at midnight 

and we can be together, like you

i mean WE always wanted.

love, i" with an ankh at the bottom, 

so you'd know it was me

train came, 

but you left me in the midnight

like i'd hoped you would

not

and i departed to the land we could be together

all alone, though i know

you made it to the station

by the break of day.

you know,

i hear you in my brain sometimes, 

singing you don't know why

you didn't come -

you had always been scared to love me

and you waited too late

(break of day, when you had me convinced that

midnight was your time)

to take a chance with the idea.

to take a chance and doing so.