Change my Heart, Change my World, Change me

Chapter 12: Ace's Tale ~Doubt~

Once again I find myself surrounded by white. A lot of white. My head pounding like crazy. Please, don't tell me that I died again. Not now, I don't want to leave Kii. Please don't take me away from her. I don't want us to be separated. Kii, she was hurt. What about her? Please god. Please Ether, don't tell me that she died too but if she did then I don't mind being died again. But please don't make me reborn without her. My life won't have any meaning without Kii in it.

I feel the air shifted as I saw myself. Or more precisely I saw Arzen. He was dancing, not with Kii but with the pink girl. They look content and happy. I saw them together time and time again. He was bringing her to the infirmary, he was talking with her in the garden. He was helping her study in the library. He was talking to Kii coldly while holding that pink thing in his arms. What the hell?. Did I went crazy?. No, it wasn't me, I refuse to call him, me. It must be him before he become me. Is that make sense? Him become me? I heard a fickle of their conversation. The pink thing was telling him that she never meet anyone as nice as him and she feel blessed to have the chance to know him. And he? I? was looking at her tenderly? Tenderly?!! No!!! Don't show that kind of expression to anyone but Kii, you fool! The images of him and pink girl go on and on until they both got engaged? Or was it wedding?.

Okay.... Okay god. I understand. Is that supposed to be my future? You said I free to choose how I live but now you show me that the girl I want is not the one that will be my future girl? Not cool man! If it is really going to be my future, if it is actually her but not Kii that is going to stay at my side, then I have no other choice but to ask you this.

Please, let me die!

I never know I was this soft. I used to be strong and not dependable to anyone. I used to be okay living without a woman I called loved one. But after having Kii in my life, I don't think I can go back to that time anymore. My heart is breaking for just witnessing myself standing without her. I can't imagine what would I feel if I have to experience it. No, dying will be the best choice. Who know maybe this time I'll finally reunited with Sabo.

As I forlornly looking at the me that was once again dancing with that pink thing, the scenes shift again. It was dark place, I saw a small form sitting by themselves. I saw myself approaching it. Getting closer, I recognized that form. How can I'm not? I used to hold that form in my arms and kiss her every morning. It was Kii. Why was Kii in a prison?

I saw myself talking to her which she ignored. Kii never ignored me. I saw myself shouted harshly to her before I left. Kii was looking at my retreating form with a cold expression as if I didn't matter to her. I don't like it. This Kii looks so alone. I sat myself beside her. She doesn't react. Her eyes missing its sparks, she gaze to the distant exspressionlessly as if she is not actually here. What happened to you, Kii?

The scenes occurred continuously. I visited her, talked to her, she ignored me and I shouted at her. What in the world is happening? I see myself come every night just to repeated the same things. Until one night... That bastard! The fucking bastard! Leave her alone, you good for nothing bastard!!

I shouted and shouted and shouted at him to leave her. I begged to the keeper to just please help her, can you see, she doesn't want it? No one heard my voice. I tried to punch him, kick him, burn him, anything to make him let Kii go. Nothing I can do. My body just pass through them. I am aware that I'm crying. Why did you hurt her? I feel so helpless. It's as if I saw Luffy, oyaji and my family once again, try to safe me while I was tied unable to do anything. Luffy, was strong. Oyaji was strong. My family was strong. But this Kii was not. It was bad enough to see someone hurt her. It's worse when it was actually me or supposed to be me, or my face or whatever that was hurting her. You scoundrel bastard! Fucking scumbag! I'll kill you! I will kill you, you bastard! For heaven sake, what has she done to deserve this? Kii is... Kii is the sweetest being you will find anywhere. She wouldn't even hurt a fly.