Off Ones Rockers II • Lashton

Chapter Forty-three

Chapter Forty-three

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To some people Luke was just a new kid, to others they knew who he was - especially who he was. They had grown up with the blonde, the boy who was always the overweight one in the class. Of course, they recognised his weight loss before he left, but that was always who he was.

When Luke arrived at school he decided to go straight to class, wanting to find a nice seat and avoid any stares or confrontations. He made his way to his maths classroom, feeling a sudden burst of calamity as he walked the route he'd been doing so for so long. It all seemed so natural. What normal people his age were supposed to be doing.

He awkwardly poked his head around the door to see his teacher stood in there. She looked the same. Everyone pretty much looked the same - besides Luke.
"Luke, hi!" she exclaimed, a huge smile on her face. She hadn't seen him since the beginning of the school year when he had lost a considerable amount of weight during the holidays. It was now nearly the end.

"How are you doing?" she asked, sitting on the corner of the desk as he sat in the far left back corner.

"It feels good to be back," he admitted, looking around the room. Maths wasn't his favourite lesson, but he was good at it, and he thought that was all that mattered.

She was looking at him, Luke knew that was inevitable. But he felt uncomfortable. He didn't know what she was thinking, whether she thought the was still skinny or that he was getting fat again. "If you need anything Luke, a quiet space during the day, you know you can always stay in here. I have a timetable on the wall that shows when I have lessons if you want to take pictures."

"Thank you," he said truly grateful. Glad she was talking about things that mattered, not exclusive to his disorder.

"Did you manage to do any maths at all?" she asked, getting up and beginning to write stuff on the board for the next lesson.

Luke was about to make a joke, about the only maths being done was that regarding weight and calories but refrained himself knowing it wouldn't be received well. "Not really, I had a look through old stuff."

"That's okay," she reassured. "You're a bright one, it'll come back to you."

Luke looked down at the desk nervously. He didn't like to be praised for his intelligence, it meant nothing to him. He didn't even think he was that smart, he just worked hard.

-

Luke hadn't even touched his lunch, the quietness of the room had given him the chance to reflect on the first part of the day. Interpreting all the looks, all the comments from people who he never even talked to before.

One girl told him he was 'hot', another that he could be a model and that only sent him into puzzlement. Nobody said anything nasty, people told him he looked well and that they were glad he was okay. He didn't know what to expect, but he thought and maybe even wanted someone to say something triggering to him.

"Luke, you're going to have your lunch soon," the teacher sitting beside him pushed. Luke looked over at the clock realising that he only had ten minutes of lunch left. He'd let his imagination run wild for half an hour, despite it only feeling like a couple of minutes.

"Sorry," he mumbled, picking up the sandwich and taking a bite. He had watched his mother make it, ensuring she put the finest layer of butter on. And frowning at the chocolate snack she had put in one section of his lunchbox, she assured him it had similar calories and would buy some more after work today.

"Are you okay sweetie?" she asked, sensing his mind wasn't present.

Luke nodded, looking over at the teacher. She was new. He hadn't seen her before. They probably choose her because they didn't know each other, she could be more firm. "I've just got to get used to it," he admitted. "I should have been leaving school this year and instead I feel like I'm starting again."

"This is a new chapter for you Luke," she said, feeling relieved that he was eating, that his lack of interested wasn't related. "You can really make a difference in regards to who you want to be."

-

Luke ended up going to his final lesson late, no one minded. And Luke didn't even care that people were staring at him. He knew that they were postulating stories about him, and he couldn't be bothered to decide anymore what they were. Luke was just going to focus on what he thought about himself.

Alex had listened to the blonde tell him this. They had planned an extra session after his first day to ensure there was nothing too stressful for him.

He hadn't expected Luke to say what he had. That he had some sort of revelation at school regarding his mental state - but Luke had realised that other peoples opinions didn't really matter. Only his own opinions about himself were actually what mattered.

"And what do you think about yourself, Luke?" Alex asked. He'd asked this before, in various different ways. Never really getting a coherent or useful answer.

Luke simply shrugged yet again before smiling sadly at the camera. "You said small steps. You can't expect me to stop caring about other people and figure out what I think about myself."

Alex nodded understandingly. "Of course Luke. But, I have to ask. But now you know what your next step should be. Do you not have any answer at all?" he pushed, hoping that maybe there could be a little more progress.

Luke looked over at the clock knowing dinner would be ready soon. He wasn't hungry. "My mum gave me a chocolate bar today instead of my usual cereal one."

Alex sat silently. He knew what Luke was saying, but he just wanted to see where he led himself if he would accidentally admit something.

The silence was painful for the blonde, he wanted Alex to talk so he didn't have to think about the answer to the question. But Alex wasn't talking and he felt more and more pressure to answer. His eyes were filled with tears and he quickly wiped it away with his sleeve. Finally, he admitted. "I hate myself."

It hurt Alex a lot to hear the boy say that, but deep down he knew that Luke felt this way. And for once he didn't know what to say. Instead, he found himself, like the blonde, diverting the subject introducing a conversation as if he were his parent. "Did you get any homework today?"

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Thank you all for the love and support.

I've planned every chapter of the book now and I'm quite happy with where it's going to go - not similar to the other one but at the same time the same!!

Please comment what you think.

Thank you so much for reading.