Off Ones Rockers II • Lashton

Chapter Twenty-eight

Chapter Twenty-eight

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Ashton wasn't at lunch, nor dinner and Luke were growing more and more anxious. He wondered if Ashton was avoiding him, or if he might be dead. His stomach kept flipping and he simply felt sick, and the thought Ashton being gone from his life destroyed all appetite the blonde had.

When everyone had nearly left the dining hall, Luke felt someone sit down beside him. He turned his head quickly with a dash of hope of it being Ashton only to find it to be Sid.

Luke groaned and picked up his fork that he hadn't even considered touching yet and annoyingly stabbing at a carrot. Sid watched the boy quickly chew on the orange piece of food before commenting. "You haven't eaten anything."

Luke rolled his eyes. He was aware of that, hence why he was still sat there with a full plate and he knew now he was going to have to deal with a full lecture and half a dozen questions.

"I'm not hungry," the blonde muttered, looking the therapist in the eyes to show his sincerity.

Sid nodded, Luke didn't know if it were him accepting that or just Sid acknowledging it. "Why?" he questioned.

Luke didn't really want to tell him, he felt that it was silly that he felt sick just because Ashton snapped at him and that he was overreacting. "I just feel sick after the whole thing with Ashton."

"That's understandable," Sid said simply. "Would it make you feel any better if I told you Ashton was fine?"

Luke felt a small bit of relief, that the reason Ashton hadn't returned was that he had moved rooms or had bled to death. Yet that still didn't remove the fact that the curly-haired boy told him that he'd never spoken to him again if he said anything. 

Sid could still sense that Luke wasn't content with the situation and assumed that something further had occurred in comparison to it just being a shock. "Look whatever happened between you and Ashton, whatever was said, don't take it to heart. The situation was intense, and Ashton wasn't thinking clearly. And you can't forget that Ashton is bipolar and that sometimes he does have sudden fits of anger, that is why he is here."

Luke sighed and looked down at his lap. The older boy seemed so perfect and normal to the blonde, he had never seen a glance of his disorder before and therefore often forgot about it. He felt a sudden surge of guilt that he never thought to consider how Ashton was ever doing. 

The therapist began to stand up, patting the blonde on the shoulder. "Eat your dinner, Luke, otherwise you know the precautions."

Of course Luke knew the precautions, he had been through the countless times in the past, but that was when he wasn't eaten was still underweight. Luke couldn't understand why he couldn't just miss one meal, because he felt sick, why he had no control. 

Clenching his fists shut Luke wanted to punch something, wanted to hit something but there was something within him telling him he shouldn't hurt himself like that. But, the anger was still there and he found himself picking up the plate of food and throwing it across the room, smashing the plate and scattering the food all over the floor.

Sid spun around wide eyes, not expecting the blonde to ever react as such, a couple of nurses were rushing over to either the mess or the boy but Sid told them to stay away. He looked at Luke who was sat with his head in his hands clearly regretting what he had done. 

The man was trying to comprehend what had just happened, why Luke had reacted with such anger and all he could grasp was that Luke didn't like being told that he had to eat. He knew he was supposed to get any eating disorder patients a new meal if anything were to happen to it, or it had become inedible, and take them to higher members of staff, but Sid just didn't think that was what Luke needed, that they were going to get anywhere with that solution. "Just go to your room Luke," he stated, firmly, his voice harsh. "We'll talk about this tomorrow."

Luke quickly stood up, meeting Sid's eyes as he walked past him, ensuring he saw how ashamed he was reflected through the tears glazing over them before rushing back to his room. He paused in the doorway when he saw Ashton sat on his bed, who looked up when hearing footsteps. 

Both boys stared at each other, revealing all their emotions, as vulnerable as ever. Ashton held our his arms and Luke acceptingly climbed into Ashton's lap, confidently and without a doubt.

Ashton cupped the blonde's cheeks and wiped away a tear. "I thought you were gone forever," Luke whispered, a slight chuckle in his voice. "I felt sick, and Sid was forcing me to eat and I lost it, I just threw my plate and I feel so stupid. I don't know why I did it."

Ashton pushed his lips against the blondes to make him stop talking, he didn't want to hear how scared he made the small boy feel, he already felt guilty enough, he just wanted to make him feel loved now and show he didn't mean it.

Luke kissed back, linking hands behind the curly-haired boys head, humming sweetly with relief. 

Luke soon pulled away and looked down at Ashton's bandaged hand and ran his finger over the fabric, before bringing it up to his mouth and gently kissing it to avoid hurting him 

Ashton smiled, his body feeling giddy. He knew Luke couldn't give much love to him, that he didn't even love himself. But, these little things meant the world to him, and own intensified his own love. "Why did you did it?" Luke asked innocently, looking at the older boy.

Ashton looked down shamefully. "It just happens sometimes Luke," he muttered. "I can't explain it all the time. I just get really angry, and hit things or sometimes people and I hate myself for it."

Luke shook his head eagerly. "No, you can't help it. It wasn't you Ashton. You'd never hurt a fly, look how kind and soft you are with me."

"I know," he murmured. "I'm getting better Luke, this is the first time in a month that this happened, it just shows I'm not ready yet."

Luke nodded acceptingly. Ashton did not seem to want to talk about, which he respected. He knew that Ashton liked to present himself as strong, therefore to admits his weaknesses would only defeat him even more.

"But, thank you though," Ashton said, tucking a long strand of Luke's hair behind his ear. "I think today helped me consolidate my feelings towards you and now I understand how much I do mean to you. I am really starting to like you, Luke."

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