Off Ones Rockers II • Lashton

Chapter Thirty-five

Chapter Thirty-five

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Alex waited in the dining hall the following breakfast, lunch and dinner and Luke never showed. Ashton sat there with Michael and Calum with a worried expression on his face, every now and then glancing up at Alex as if to tell him Luke wasn't coming.


After the third day, Alex was beginning to grow concerned. Not only had Luke not consumed anything, he hadn't even left his room. No one knew what the blonde was thinking and it was leaving everyone uneasy.

Alex decided to arrange a meeting with Sid after Ashton had his session to see if that could gauge any perspective on the situation.

When the man entered Sid's office, Ashton gave him a slight smile before looking back at Sid.

"Alex wants to know how Luke's doing Ashton."

Ashton just laughed and looked back at the younger man. "He's alive of course. Sleeping most of the time. His stomach won't shut up."

"Is he talking to you, about his feelings?"

"I'm not his therapist," Ashton groaned. "You can't keep expecting me to help him when you throw all these crazy things on him."

"Ashton," Sid warned knowing the bipolar boy even on medication could get particularly feisty. "That's not what we meant. We'd never put that pressure on you. But as someone he cares about, does he confide in you anything at all."

Ashton looked down and shook his head. "We talk like normal. He calls himself fat. And refuses to go to dinner. Not much is different besides the later."

Sid could sense Ashton's annoyance and knew this was mentally affecting him, something the therapist was concerned of. "You do understand why we're doing this Ashton?" Neither had really addressed of forewarned the boy on the situation so he was probably just as confused and overwhelmed as the blonde.

Ashton sighed and nodded. "Of course, it was obvious he wasn't eating normally, even I'd hate myself after eating how much he was. But at least he was eating. He's been dreaming of this day for a while now, he'd mentioned to me once, when he was nearly asleep that as soon as he was out of here, he was going to starve himself." They could tell Ashton was upset. That he'd been holding in Luke's burdens for too long. Sid knew their relationship was dangerous, and he was worried it was now stunting Ashton's improvement.

"If Luke is fully recovered when he is out of here, of any more rational he wouldn't do that Ashton," Alex comforted him, knowing that what he was saying what quite dark.

Ashton began to stand up as he saw the time on the clock. "How long are you going to let him do this?" he asked, pushing his hand through his head, just wanting Luke to be free of all this.

"We said he'd be trialling it for a week but I think we're interjecting tomorrow if he doesn't start."

The curly-haired boy nodded feeling a little relief flood through his body.

"Ashton!" Sid called after the boy after he left the room, leaving a sad aura loitering within in. "Do you want to stay somewhere else why we figure all this out?"

                                                                                          -

Day four came and dinner had passed, and Luke wasn't there. But no one was surprised. Victoria now wanted Alex to get the boy checked over. Make sure he hadn't caused any damage to his already weak body.

Alex tapped lightly on the blondes door, to which the blonde groaned and sat up, his duvet wrapped around him. He was pale, paler than he had been in a long time.

"How are you feeling Luke," the man asked leaning against the door frame.

Luke looked at him blankly, a small scowl forming on his face. "Why would you do this to me?" he asked quietly, his voice hoarse. Alex could tell he had not talked in a while, Ashton taking up his therapist offer and residing in a different room for a couple of days.

The man tilted his head and smiled sadly. "Is this not your doing Luke?" he asked. But he did understand what Luke meant.

"You knew I wasn't fine! You knew I would do this!" Luke explained, pulling his duvet tighter around

"We did expect you to Luke, but we did hope that maybe you had learnt the importance of nourishing your body and maybe at least a decent amount."

Luke remained quiet, every day he thought about going to dinner. He knew it was the right thing to do. But he wanted to lose weight. He needed to. So he thought why not use this small amount of time to do that and then when the time came he would eat again.

Alex sighed and sat down on the edge of the blonde's bed, his body angled so he could still see the boy. "How are you feeling Luke?" he asked, he needed to check on the boy's physical health right now, rather than mental. That comes later.

Luke looked down at his lap. "I'm hungry," he whispered his face flushing red.

Alex chuckled at the boy's embarrassment. "It's normal Luke, you don't need to be ashamed about it!"

Luke nodded and bit his lip. "This used to be so easy. I never used to get hungry."

"You trained yourself to suppress hunger, Luke. Which is unhealthy and dangerous. It is good that you're feeling hungry and recognise it."

"I knew I was being irrational. I knew I needed to eat, that it was the right thing to do," Luke agreed.

"Then why didn't you?" Alex asked sceptically. Not sure if the boy was just telling him what he wanted to hear.

"Because I knew that sometime soon you'd make me eat. You wouldn't let me starve myself until I nearly killed myself again."

Alex looked at the blonde like he was playing some sort of game. He could tell that he had thought about this hard, that he knew exactly the consequences of his actions, and how to play his cards right. "So what would happen if none of us was here, it was just you alone and you had to choose, when, what, and how much would you eat"

"Then I'd eat," Luke said admittedly. "I probably wouldn't eat enough. Or eat too much! But, I wouldn't starve myself, I don't want to deal with all those consequences again."

Luke's words and his actions still seemed contradictory to the therapist. He didn't understand why Luke had starved himself when he said he didn't want to do that anymore. Unless his mind had truly regressed. Or his starvation had affected him mentally. "Luke, that doesn't make sense? Try and explain it again."

Luke shook his head in disagreement. "You thought you gave me control. But you're all still here. You could intervene whenever, and I knew that. Put me at home, my mum wouldn't have the guts to force me to eat, I'd have to do it to keep everyone and myself content."

Alex looked at the blonde. He needed to go home. It was clear that they had done all they could for him here. 

-

I've been reading a lot of modernism and post-modernism and I really enjoy different narrative structures. 

I know my work is as basic as it can get but it got me thinking: has my writing changed at all? Even just a difference between these last couple of chapters and the ones I wrote months ago because I have experienced English at degree level now and know the workings of novels inside out?

If so what is different? And do you like it? 

Hope you are all doing well.

Thank you so much for reading.