Off Ones Rockers II • Lashton

Chapter Twenty-five

Chapter Twenty-five

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Luke sat opposite Sid, staring at the floor awkwardly not sure how the session was going to be structured, having it be their first session.

He'd been off of his medication for only a week but as the therapist observed the blonde he looked more relaxed and perkier. There had been little to no problems with getting the blonde to attend meals as well as willingly eat most of them.

Looking back down at the blondes notes, he decided to start from the beginning with the fifteen-year-old. He didn't know too much about the small blonde and wanted to get his own perspective on his disorder. 

"When did this all start Luke?" he asked with a monotonous tone, one that intimidated the blonde yet at the same time made him feel secure in answering. Luke couldn't comprehend what about the therapist made him feel calm, whether it was his manner or professionalism, nonetheless he felt safe in Sid's occupation.

Luke closed his eyes trying to pinpoint the moment in which he decided to lose weight, but he was certain when exactly that was, and at which point is when he exactly started to spiral out of control. 

He had been through the exact same conversation with Alex in countless session and still couldn't identify the exact moment and it only ever caused him to get agitated. 

Sid interpreted the silence as the blonde not knowing and posed a different, more provoking question. "You were overweight, when did you first recognise that."

Luke looked down ashamed, his cheeks heating up and he began to pick at the skin around his fingers anxiously, the man acknowledging and closely examining the habit. Quietly Luke admitted, "I always knew I was bigger than other people, but one day-" Luke closed his eyes and reflected on the situation, it still upset him now. "I overheard my mum and brother saying how I needed to lose weight and stuff," he said timidly.

"Do you think that provoked your disorder, or is there something else?"

Luke shrugged. "It opened my eyes a little I guess, but it didn't like upset me that much." Opening his own eyes, he looked over at the window, taking in the greenery, a hint of reality. "But, I guess it could have been when this boy from school told me I was fat, and that I'd have a better life if I wasn't."

Sid smiled sadly, knowing how bad taunting and bullying could be for young people. "Did you ever report him Luke, that's bullying you know?"

Luke shook his head, itching his eye. "At first I thought he was being kind, helping me. And then the more I thought about him, the more I was certain that he wasn't real."

"Wasn't real?" Sid queried, tilting his head confused.

"I never saw him again, not even passing in the halls. I think I imagined the situation. I think it was me justifying why I should lose weight," Luke reflected

"And after that did you start losing weight?"

The blonde nodded. "I chucked my lunch in the bin and skipped dinner when I could. I planned on just eating healthy and dieting but it turned into an obsession."

Sid nodded understandingly. "Did you have a goal weight?" 

"Nothing." Luke laughed to himself, playing with the laces on his shoes.

"What are you laughing about?" Sid asked, watching the young boy, interestedly.

"It's just stupid," Luke admitted.

"But it wasn't stupid to Luke three months ago," Sid pointed out, running his pen down the list of the blondes weights over his stay here, this week the anorexic only gaining half a pound which was expected after the rough week he had beforehand.

Luke met Sid's eyes and began to scratch at the skin on top of his hand, gulping.

"This proves you're recovering Luke, you're overcoming small hurdles. You have, perhaps a healthier perspective on your body and you want help," he said gesturing his head towards the blonde hands. "You don't want to be doing that, that's why you're looking at me because you want me to stop you."

Luke shuffled in his seat and then sat on his hands insecurely, subconsciously that was exactly what the blonde had wanted but he wasn't fully conscious of this yet. 

"Out of curiosity Luke," Sid asked his tone changing slightly. "What's your goal weight now?" 

"I don't know," Luke admitted. "I feel detached from my weight now, I don't have any choice about it so I just accept whatever you all say."

"Do you want to lose weight?"

Luke nodded his head but said. "No." He was constantly moving about in his chair, trying to bring his nails to his skin. Sid could tell he was agitated and wasn't going to get much else out of the blonde right now but felt both had gained a fair bit of knowledge.

"We are both going to have to experiment on what therapy works best for your in terms of trying to calm the psychosis episodes you have," he concluded standing up and walking over to his desk and picking up a leaflet.

Luke watched him. He knew that he was hearing things again and that he often felt an urge to harm himself for certain actions he performs. 

"We're obviously starting with cognitive therapy, I think it will have an impact, but I want you to give this a try," Sid said, handing the blonde the leaflet. 

Luke frowned, and sudden urge of insecurity overcoming him. "Yoga," he said with a shaky voice, worried that it would require him to wear tight clothes. 

"You're still on reduced physical activity, but yoga shouldn't burn too many calories," Sid stated. "But, they can teach you methods of calming yourself, of emptying your mind which may help you overcome the urges you get."

Luke bit his lip unsure. "Just think about it Luke, try it for one session and if not then we can find something new." But, Sid was certain that Luke would go, and that he (although not ready to admit it) was willing to recover now. 

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