Always

Chapter 89

Breakfast went by fast, we all ordered different types of pancakes and made talk over college and soccer. They asked me how California was and I left out the details from Harry, and how he showed up. How I told him I am in love with him. They told me how the teenager across the street got into Missouri State.

"I was thinking we can go to the mall and shop around?" My mom says and I nod, doesn't seem like a bad idea.

"Sure if you guys want." My dad says, he will probably go off and shop for himself not wanting to go in all the women departments.

"Lets do it." I say as we walk out of the store and off to the store.

"I'll meet you guys here in an hour." My dad say as and me and my mom both nod before walking off to the department stores.

Harry's P.O.V

"What the hell is this?" I say to myself reading Emily's journal, she should really own up to it and call it a diary for all the shit shes writing in here.

Dylan is just so different from everyone else at high school. Its different from what I expected it to be to date someone. Its its better than I expected really, I use to hate the couples at school who would hold hands in the hallway, but now I'm one of them. I'm one of those couples that are just in love an want to be with their loved one. Dylan is so kind, he's so nice to me. I love going to his baseball games and cheering him on as he loves going to my soccer games. My parents already love him just as much as I do. I was thinking about going with him, to Michigan State but I know my parents would kill me. I have my plan to go to University of Chicago. I just don't want to drift apart from Dylan, he always tells me we wont and we will see each other every weekend. But will that be enough?

What the hell? I feel vomit coming up my throught from reading this. I close the book tight and place it back in the spot I left it. It makes me sick hearing the way she thought about Dylan. I walk out of the closet an out the door. What if she has anything about me written in their? I could read that right?

I open the hard cover and flip to the last few pages she has wrote in.

College is different from what I have expected, I have a nice dorm room mate though. Her name is Ashley, I just don't know if I will be able to hangout with her much. She's more into the parties and drinking and that's not my thing. She brought me to Red Robin to meet all her friends. One of them Louis is kind to me, he is on the soccer team like me. Most of them our Juniors or Seniors, all of them our dating someone except for Harry and Louis. Louis was really sweet to me, he drove me home that night because I wanted to leave early. He showed me the soccer Fields and I really got to look at them. He took me down to the bench the players sit on, he told me a story about how he always knew he was going to come here. And how his brothers went here

Why the hell does she write in this thing? Who would even read this no offense, it's litterly just her thoughts.

I flip down a few more pages to see if I come up on anything.

Everything me and Dylan has been through, all of those memories are all lies. He lied to me this whole time, When me and Harry saw him in bed with Ally I couldn't believe what I saw. My boyfriend cheating on me? My heart ached from seeing him on that bed, I was really confused by it too. It became even more confusing when Harry kissed me. It was strange though and I will never admit it. I liked it, I liked having his lips on mine like that. Dylan has never kissed me like that. Maybe it was his cold lips, or his touge that tasted like alcohol with a faint vanilla. Maybe it was the way his hand was placed on my back. I don't know but what ever it was it light up my stomach. It made my head spin with confusion from why I feel like this.

Later when Harry told me he kissed me for an act, an act to make Dylan think he took me to that room to hook up. To make Dylan jealous, his words 'It takes two to makeout, it wasn't only me. You could have stooped earlier too but you didn't. Sides, I had to sell the act, it's not like I actually wanted to kiss you.' His words hurt, they hurt a lot. I don't know what it is about Harry that makes me feel this way? I have only known him for a week and he already has messed with my mind so much.

Did she actually feel this way? If I could I would go back and take back my words. I feel like a complete dick for saying it, I just thought she felt the same way. If only she knew how much that kissed meant to me too. I have kissed many, many girls in my life but none of those kisses will ever match up to that first one I shared with Emily. That kissed changed me, it changed the way I thought about her. I saw that great opportunity to kiss her right then and there and I took it. At the time I just wanted to do it was cause she has a nice boobs and ass. That kiss made me feel things, Iv'e never felt before. It made me go crazy, I wanted to be around her every second after that, Even if it was just us yelling at each other I just wanted to see her.

I flip past a few more pages, past all the ones about her soccer team. I land on one from a party.

Louis took me out on a date, we went to the movies, we had to stop their for his job. We ended up staying an watching The Fault in Our Stars, one of my favorite books. Louis apperantly really likes me, I just don't want to be leading him on. Maybe I can just go on with this and see where it goes? It makes me even more confused, as everytime I see more and more of Harry the more my feeling have grown. It did't help at the party either. The day after Louis took me out on that date I went back to that dreadful frat house and went to another party. I couldn't help but get up to talk to Harry. He drew me into his little trap, he took me outside so no one would see us. He lifted me up onto his waist and it was thriling. Seeing Harry this way confuses me even more, he tells me he doesn't date but then he brings me out there and makes out with me. I can't just go off of this, and be some sot of friends with benifits. What ever this is between us must stop, I can't keep doing this if it won't be anything. I have way much more self respect than that. He just messes with my head, he is so mean to me than he brings me in close and makes me feel feelings.

What she felt like this? It was true that I didn't date then, I just didn't know what this girl could do to me. She changes everything for me. I thought I had the rest of my life planed out but who knows know? She messed me up to, going on dates with Louis leading him on when I was just jelous that it wasn't me on those dates with her. I can't resist her, having her on my waist like that. It was to much for me to take, I never wanted her plump lips to come off mine. That feeling I have with her lips on mine is the best feeling I have ever felt. If only I was able to warn myself that that she would change me the way that she has.

///Thanks for reading! Shout out to my bestfriend Ashley its her birthday love you so much❤️ (and yes I named Ashley in the book after her)🙊///