I Was Never Loved

I Was Never Loved- chp 3

Chapter 3

I was never happier to be home from my first day of school than this time around—and I'd had a few first days. My impulses had gotten the better of me. I'd allowed them to take control in the moment, effectively undoing months of training that I would now have to correct. After lunch, I got the feeling that everyone was starting to know who I was, but not for the reasons I would have hoped. Whispers filled the halls from biology to French to Physic and finally homeroom; whispers about me.

Things couldn't have gone any worse if I'd actually made a concerted effort to ruin my reputation myself and the scars of my mistake were still very much present. I could scarcely remember the incident without my cheeks flushing red. That, naturally, got me a few stares during dinner but thankfully Matt had the most exciting news about his music class and suddenly no one cared what might have happened in my day.

Invisibility was my super power in this house and it was my most useful asset. It didn't bother me that I was easily dismissed, rather, it was the better option when you considered the other being to fall under Mother's powerful scrutiny. Nothing good ever came of that.

With the dishes done, I headed back to my room to complete the day's assignments. They were easy enough; material I'd gone over in the copious amounts of spare time I usually had and I was done in what might have been 15 minutes. I'd only just packed away my books when Matt walked into the room. This used to aggravate me; his ability to go wherever he pleased, my lack of privacy, his entitlement but now it hardly registered. It was like breathing, unless you thought about it, you didn't realize it was happening. I chose to not think about it, for my own sanity. It made no sense getting angry about something that would never change. Matt's superiority was somewhat set in stone.

"Hey dyke, I need to borrow your sweater."

"No, use your own."

He shook his leg impatiently from his spot at the door. It was obvious he was in a hurry but it should have been just as obvious that I was unwilling to let him have one of the few articles of clothing I was ever gifted with. My brother had so many clothes that half the time his closet ran out of room; as did his drawers. He didn't need anything that rightfully belonged to me—one of the few things that rightfully belonged to me.

"I would but I loaned mine to this cute girl in my class and now I wanna go out so gimme yours."

"No, now get out of my room." It wouldn't work but I said it anyway. If one didn't know any better, they'd think this was his second room and I was simply given the privilege of sleeping her and storing what little things I had but I dared to ask him to leave. It was mine.

This time the 13 year old sighed in his annoyance. "Mom!" It was his trump card, the one that would get him absolutely anything he wanted and he'd learned this a long time ago.

"Okay here!" I said, grabbing my sweater from the night table and throwing it at him. The last thing I wanted was Mother coming in here. She would have a go at me for being so 'horrid' to my 'precious little brother'. With my newly acquired titled as 'talk of the school', I didn't need to show up tomorrow with anything else for them to speculate about. The woman never cared where she left her bruises anymore; it was always up to me to hide them after. Matt smiled with a deceptive little look of innocence then left. He would likely lose it in the same way he did all my others then Mother would most likely hit me for being careless. It was a cycle I knew all too well but one I had little to no control over.

Just then, the phone rang pulling me from my defeated thoughts; something it rarely did. I watched it as it made another two rings. There was no point in answering it as no one ever called for me. Sometimes I wondered if anyone knew I existed. Mother had calls, Matt had several calls and both seemed to have mail on the odd occasion. There was never anything for me. I was a stranger to a world that didn't care to know who I was.