Chapter 10

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Nathans pov

We'd just finished the I Found You shoot and were on our way to the hotel for the night. I'd kept trying to get Ellen alone so I could talk to her, but I hadn't had the chance yet. We got to the hotel and all went upstairs. The second we opened the door all the boys shot off to get the best room. I laughed as they 'fought' for them. Max was running around slapping Tom in the ass and then tom started chasing max with a wet towel.

I just walked foreword and went into the first room I saw, it was nothing fancy, a bed, a dresser, a window, a bathroom, just the basics. I put my suitcase on the floor and then went back out into the main room. There was a kitchen bar like thing and a bunch of doors that led to other connecting rooms, the ones the boys were, hopefully, finished fighting over.

I opened most of the doors and saw the guys chilling, so I went to make some tea. "hey nath, we're going out to a club to celebrate I Found You, wanna come?" asked Tom, I shook my head. "no thanks, I can't drink here anyway." I sighed. "use my old ID." said Tom. "nah, I'm fine." I said, the boys shrugged and I watched as they all left. Maggie went with them and once they were gone I went looking for Ellen.

I checked the rooms and I couldn't find her. "Ellen?" I shouted. "ya?" she asked. "where are you?" I asked confused. "I'm out on the porch." she said, I went over to the door and walked outside. I saw Ellen sitting on the floor, her knees pulled to her chest, leaning against the hotel wall as she looked out over the city.

"you alright?" I asked, she nodded. I sat down next to her and she leaned on my shoulder. We just sat in silence, it wasn't uncomfortable, it was nice. Then she spoke. "do you believe in revenge?" she asked randomly. "well, I mean If someone does something bad to me I try and get em back, but, it's not like a set belief of mine." I answered, she sighed.

"it used to be what I lived by, If someone was mean to be, I'd get them back, but, I've ever been scared like this before." she said, I sighed and put my arm over her shoulder. She stiffened a little, but blew out a breath and leaned into me.

"you're a strong girl, the fear will go away." I replied, she nodded against my chest. "I hope so, I don't like feeling afraid." she said, then we descended into silence again. It was nice, sitting there, holding her as we watched the LA lights and the Hollywood sign, we could almost pretend everything was alright, almost.

"honestly, for a year, I felt nothing but fear, nothing, until you." she added. "with you in the last week, I've felt happiness and joy, and I've laughed, that hasn't happened in forever, and I love it." she continued. "oh Ellen." I sighed and rubbed her arm with my thumb. "I'm overjoyed that I'm helping you, there's actually, uhm, something I wanted to, uh, talk to you about." I said awkwardly.

She stiffened. "it's not bad, it's not bad, relax." I quickly clarified, she sighed in relief and leaned back onto my chest. "I..." I started, then took a deep breath, I just had to say it. "Ellen, in the past while with you, I, I really care about you and, I think I love you." I whispered, she pulled away and looked up at me. "what!?!?" she shouted.

"I think I'm in love with you." I restated. "but...but Nathan, I...I'm so fucked up, how could you possibly." she stuttered. "I don't know, I just do. I always think about you Ellen, and I want you to be happy." I started. "I know that id do anything to see you smile, that I'd give anything to have you happy, and I just know that if you left, my heart would break." I ended.

She was staring at me and I was searching her eyes for some sort of answer, some sort of recognition that she loved me to. "Nathan..." she trailed off. "I just..." she trailed off again. "I want you to be my girlfriend." I said, she just stared at me. "Nathan, we can't be a normal couple, we can't hold hands, we can't kiss, we can't sleep together, nothing like that." she said. "I know, I know, maybe eventually ellen but I know that we can't now and I don't care, I just want you to be mine." I started.

"because if I let you go, without telling you how I felt, I'd never forgive myself." I ended. "Nathan, I don't know if I could ever be anybodies." she said. "fine, then be with me." I said. "Nathan, I want you to be happy, and I don't see how you could ever be happy with me and all my fucked up fear problems." she said. "

"maybe you don't see it, but I do, I can see how I'd be happy with you. I'd be happy just having you with me and knowing that you care about me." I said. "aw Nathan." she said and touched my cheek. "I do care about you." she whispered. "do you love me?" I asked, she stopped. "I...I don't know Nathan, I don't even remember what love is, I'm sorry." she apologized.

"no, no don't apologize for that, it's not your fault. I hope, maybe I'll make you remember what it feels like to love, just give me a chance." I begged, she sighed and looked at me. "ok, ok Nathan, I'll give you a chance, I'm trusting you nathan." she said. "I promise I'll never abuse your trust." I said, she nodded and sighed.

She rubbed her arms and I realized she must be cold out here, cause it must have been ten o'clock at night. I went inside and grabbed the blanket off the bed. I went back outside and sat down next to her. "come on." I said and lifted up my arm. She cuddled up into my chest and I put my arm over her shoulder, then covered us both with the blanket.

"g'night love." I whispered and kissed her head. "night Nathan." she whispered and yawned. I stayed there, waiting until her breathing evened out and I knew she'd fallen asleep. She'd try, I couldn't believe it. I had a chance, I was with her. As I looked at her, sleeping against my chest, looking peaceful, I knew the amount of trust it took for her to fall asleep with me.

I knew that i would do anything to get her better, to make her fear go away. I'd do whatever I had to in order to make her happy again, because she deserved the world and I would give it to her. No matter what it took, I would make sure that she was never scared again and that no one ever hurt her again, like she'd already been hurt, I just wanted to love her.

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