Freak (Troyler AU)

Chapter Fourty-Eight

*Troye's POV* 

"I'm gay." I froze, completely, forgetting to even breathe as I laid there. The only part of me that was moving was my heart, thudding at a dangerously fast pace in my chest. Though that wasn't what I'd been expecting him to say, it wasn't really shock I was feeling. I couldn't really put a name to the emotion, it just felt like every nerve in my body was on fire. 

It's not like he'd surprised me, I knew he was gay, there was just something different about hearing him say it. There was no assuming or guessing, it just was. That, and it gave me a weird sense of pride that he'd finally told me, that he trusted and cared about me enough to.

I was in the process of trying to decide if our friendship was supposed to change at all now that I knew, when I noticed he was shifting around on his bed a lot. I furrowed my brows, listening intently seeing as my back was still turned to him. I wonder what he's- fuck! I forgot to reply to him! He's probably freaking out right now! God, I am such an idiot.

"Oh?" I blurted, more concerned about replying itself than actually taking time to plan what I was going to say. Only after I said it did I realize how insanely stupid it was, knotting my fingers up in the blankets and shoving some of them into my mouth. It's official, I'm never speaking again, it's probably for the better.

"You don't sound very surprised." He said quietly, the usual pep completely absent from his voice. I only felt more guilty now, wishing I could just sink into the mattress and come back out when I was ready to have this conversation. I mean, I'm ready to hear it now, I'd just like to plan out all my responses in advance so I don't end up making a fool of myself or hurting him with my own stupidity. 

"It was kind of obvious at times." I replied, slightly distracted as I continued trying to figure out how to filter what I said in my head. I was still thinking about it when a soft sniffle had my body tensing all over again, my eyes going wide. Is Tyler crying? He's never cried before, how big of a deal is this to him? "Hey, are you crying?"

"No!" He blurted immediately, sounding almost offended I'd even accused him of it. I bit my lip, trying to decide what to do next. I could comfort him, that's what he needs right now. How do I do that? He's always been the one to comfort my sorry ass and he's so good at it. He knows just what to say to distract me or make me laugh. How do I do that? I'm not charismatic or smooth like him, but I still have to try.

I took a deep breath before rolling over, scooching until I was sat at the very edge of my bed. I peered down at him curiously, squinting my eyes as I tried to make out his features in the dimly-lit room. All I had to go by was a bit of moonlight, thankfully the streak of it was shining directly through my window and onto the floor where he was laying. Still, the moon wasn't big tonight, the light only really glinting against his eyes so I could see them but not the rest of his face. They looked so sad, all I wanted was to make him feel happy again.

"Tilly?" I asked tentatively, biting my lip nervously as I waited for him to respond. He didn't say anything, though after a few seconds a quiet whimper filled the room. I felt my heart drop to my feet again, almost feeling like crying myself at just the thought of him hurting that much. "Hey, it's fine, of course I'm okay with it. If anything I'm ecstatic, now we can talk about cute boys together!" I didn't tell him that he was the only cute boy I'd ever talk about, I figured that was a bomb to drop for another day.

"Y-Yeah." He stuttered out in response, making me frown at how unsteady his voice was. I'm so used to the confident Tyler that always knows exactly what to say. I'm not saying I don't like this side of him too, I just really wish I knew how to make him feel better.

After that we fell into a less-than-comfortable silence, both of us practically holding our breath as we anticipated what the other would say next. I'd really expected him to be the first one to speak up, but as the seconds ticked by I couldn't take it anymore, shifting my arm out from under my to reach down and cup his shoulder softly.