Freak (Troyler AU)

Chapter Thirty-Five

*Troye's POV*

I felt like a zombie the next morning when a too-cheery Sage came to wake me up. She hadn't even thrown things or yelled at me, just smiling broadly and shaking my shoulder gently. I wasn't sure if she was just in a good mood or was walking on eggshells around me because of last night, but either way it was probably better than being woken up in the usual manner. After a lot of groaning and complaining, I sat up and told her to leave me alone. Once she was convinced I wasn't just going to fall back asleep, she did just that.

After she was out of the room, I dropped the semi-cheery act as well, falling back into the pillows and sighing heavily. I'd been up late, how late I wasn't sure, but I did recall looking over at the clock at one point and seeing the bright red screen saying 4:45am. It hadn't just been tossing and turning and mindless wishing for sleep though, it was that horrible kind of can't-sleep where you actually think about things. Okay, if I'm being perfectly honest here there was only one thing I thought about, not plural. Plus it was more-so a person than a thing- Damn it. Now I'm thinking about him all over again. I am not spending any more time on this subject, I've surpassed the point of over-thinking, now it's just pathetic.

I forced my legs over the side of the bed, cringing at the chilly air the second they emerged from under the blankets. I really wasn't looking forward to the upcoming winter, at all. Nothing good ever came out of winter. Frostbite, ice-covered roads that caused car crashes, hectic Christmas shoppers that cared about nothing more than getting to the deals first. It was definitely my least favorite season, compared to the carefree summer when everyone was constantly happy. 

I was still listing the many cons and few pros of the season, when I stumbled out of the shower ten minutes later. It wasn't actually that intriguing of a topic, but it was doing what I needed it to right now; distracting me. After getting halfway dressed and realizing I had put on a pair of my sister's shorts that had ended up in my laundry, I realized just how hard I was focusing on blocking out the thoughts of a certain problem in my life right now. I sighed, shimmying out of the shorts and opting for a pair of my own skinny jeans instead. With this, I was completely ready for school. I wasn't particularly happy about that though, considering I couldn't avoid the inevitable for any longer. Tyler was likely going to hunt me down as soon as I got there, forcing his explanation on me whether I wanted it or not. I still wasn't ready to hear it, but honestly I didn't think I'd ever be, so that wasn't surprising. Is anyone ever ready to hear their crush say they don't feel the same?

I somehow managed to survive through breakfast with the family. It had been even more awkward than usual, which I hadn't thought possible before today. Unlike their usual endless teasing and questioning, I got exactly what I'd been asking for the last few weeks; silence. It was nothing like I expected it to be though. Sure, I didn't spend the meal blushing and flustered like a lovesick idiot, but in a way it was worse than that. The utter silence and uneasy tension that had fallen over the room was almost unbearable, to the point I was shifting nervously in my seat just begging someone to speak up. I think I would have rathered talking about Tyler than that, but at least it was over now. 

Now, I was sitting in my car in the school parking lot, pretending to play around on my phone, when in reality I was just looking up every few seconds to see if any other cars had arrived. If a really junky piece of crap car had arrive in particular. I didn't plan on running out to greet him, but I wasn't going to run away when he came over to my car like I knew he would. I wasn't looking forward to his rejection speech, but if I had to hear it in order to keep him, then I'd cope.

I'd been sitting in the parking lot for about ten minutes when the unforgettable rattling over his car found it's way to my ears. My head immediately snapped up, regardless of whether it was what my brain wanted or not, my eyes wide as they scanned the parking lot. I watched with an anxious expression as he parked his car, biting my lip as nerves fluttered about in my stomach. This it it. We're going to have to talk about it. He was out of his car surprisingly fast, considering how slowly he usually moved. I sat up straighter in my seat then, watching as he approached and nervously twiddling my thumbs in my lap. You know that horrible feeling when you feel a physical locking of your throat and no matter how hard you try you can't bring yourself to speak, or even swallow your own spit? I had that already, and he wasn't even in a five foot radius of me. It only got worse as he got closer, my palms completely coated with sweat as he strolled past the hood of my car. He's going to stop as soon as he gets past and get into the passenger's seat, I just know it. Part of me was terrified of the conversation we were about to have, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thrilled to speak with him again. It hadn't even been twelve hours and I already felt like I was being seriously deprived of a necessary part of my life force. It was probably wrong to think like that now, now that I know he didn't feel the same about me, but I couldn't just turn it off. I wish I could, I'd give anything to forget these feelings and just enjoy the way I did have him. It was a miracle Tyler Oakley was my friend at all, why did my stupid heart have to be all greedy and want more?