Dandelion {Park Jimin AMBW}

{17}

{Self harm warning}

Klaira

I was sitting in my dorm with my feet kicked up on my desk. I sigh as I read through the comments under a picture of Amara and I. Amara looked so pretty in the picture but me...I looked like a pig trying to hide behind a light pole. Big and seen.

Wow..and I thought the girl was fat? Look at the beast next to her

Omg! Pigs herd together ig??

Guys  let's not be rude and call them pigs, we should use monkeys instead

Ooooooo good one

Wait wait...is the big one wearing a crop top??? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I tear up as I put my hand on my stomach. I scroll own and see a picture where I was actually looking at the camera while Amara was looking down. In the picture you could see our whole body and the size difference was very apparent. Amara was the perfect body shape. Small top, fit and flat stomach, little hips but has a booty. Me on the other hand...big everywhere. I click on the comments and start to get choked up at the ones in these comments.

Theres more calories in her stomach than in that Walmart 

Oof! I'm surprised they fit her phone body in this picture! Look at her!

EW! Okay I might not like the skinny one but at least she'd be able to pull that crop top off!

She needs to give her little cousin her shirt back!

Everyone keeps talking about her shirt like her pants aint about to bust open

Yoooooo she traded her neck for an extra chin wait wait wait 

OMFG! I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING

"I can't." I sob as tears stream down my face and I walk to my bathroom and search through my drawers and found my unopened bag of single blade razors. I grab both ends and rip it open, causing my phone that was still in my hand to fall, and took the top off the razor and put it my stomach and start to cut anywhere the blade feel. My heart raced as I felt numbness instead of pain. I move to my bloody razor to my wrist. 

Down. 

Drip. 

Down. 

Drip. 

Deeper. 

Pour.

I go up from my wrist to my forearm and watch as the blood drips and pours from my cuts. I press the tip of the razor to the inside of my elbow when I drop it, realizing what I had done and seeing the blood on my floor and covering my arm and stomach. I slide to the ground and cry, ignoring the rising pain. I hear my phone ring but I ignore it and lean my head back. I hear my phone ring again and I look down and saw Taehyung following me. I accept the call and he hangs up and ends up face timing me. I answer it and he wasn't looking at the phone but reaching for something. Before I could flip the camera he looks at the camera and instantly drops his phone.

"Klaira!" He shouts and picks up the phone and I just sit there dazed.

"Yes?" I ask as my vision becomes a haze.

"What happened?! Wrap up!" Tae says and I start to see his eyes glaze over and my vision becomes more clear and I come back to all my senses. I wince and drop my head. I hear cries and look up to see Tae crying, his hand over his mouth so he wouldn't be loud.

"Tae." I whisper and he wipes his tears but they continue to fall.

"Please. Stop harming yourself." He says and I wipe my tears with my non-bloodied hand and I get up and grab a clean face cloth and move the move to my counter.

"You...cut your stomach too?" I hear Tae ask and I forgot that I had on a crop top and had cut my stomach though I could feel the pain with every move I made.

"I hate it." I say and start to clean the blood off of me.

"Hate...what?" Tae asks and I run cold water on the face cloth and I continue to clean the blood before grabbing gauge and a tub of wrapping bandages an peroxide.

"Everything! My stomach! My size! Me." I cry and start to clean my cuts with peroxide, wincing at the sting.

"There's nothing wrong with it Klaira! Nothing! If everyone stuck on what they hated about themselves everyone would be dead! I hate my smile! I hate how sensitive I am! I hate my height! I hate things but I can't dawn on it because I know if I were to harm myself doing that I harm the ones who care about me. I had to learn to love everything about me. Even if I hate it. You are so beautiful and you don't even know it. You don't need people to tell you that you're beautiful. You need to know yourself that you are beautiful. You're never going to believe it until you believe it. I don't know who hurt you so bad to the point where you can't even look in the mirror for ten seconds to see yourself but that's not how it should be. Admire your beauty. Love yourself Klaira. Because nobody can love you like you can. You are your biggest enemy when you can be your biggest supporter. Who cares what trolls say! They can't live with themselves to they are rude to other people. Amara always says misery loves company! They're miserable! They don't have what you have. You have talent, beauty, charisma, and you don't see it. I love every single inch, angle and side of you. You are so bright to me. A shinning star." Tae cries as I wrap myself. I just let the tears fall while I continuously sniff.

"Please Klaira...look at me." Tae says and I look up at me and see that he was in the same state that I was in.

"Promise me you won't ever do that again." He says and I nod slowly.

"I promise." 

"Good. Every day I will text you to check up on you. I'll send a compliment every day if I have to. Anything that will make your morning the best." Tae says and I smile a little.

"Thank you Tae but you don't have to."

"I want to. I want you to know your value." Tae says softly and I nod and start to clean the blood on the floor.

"Thank you Tae." I smile and he hums and nods and just watches me.

I finish cleaning and I wash the blood out before putting it in my dirty bin and take my phone from the bathroom to my living room and I hug a pillow and wince at the pain.

"You need to take some pain killers."

"I will later."

"Klaira I suggest you get off Instagram for a while. Social media in general." Tae sighs and I nod.

"I was going to do that anyways." I huff and he sits up straight and leans against the headboard..

"My number is always available for you to call me. All of our numbers are. You're our friend now." He says and I nod and we both sigh at the same time, causing a small laugh from Tae.

"When tour is over and everything is died down, only if you want, maybe we can go out and go to a carnival or concert or hang out?" Tae asks and I think for a moment.

"When things die down." I say and he nods.

"Sounds like a plan."

"I should go back to studying, but I'll text you when I'm done."

"Alright. Good luck and be strong."

"I will. Good bye Kim Taehyung." I smile and blow a kiss and he pretends to catch it and smile before waving a good bye and I hang up. I instantly delete Instagram and Twitter and walk to my phone. I let out a sigh and heard my phone ding multiple times. I see Amara's name and without reading her text. I respond with I need time alone and I lock my phone and go back to studying.

Love yourself Klaira.