Breakeven

Chapter 80

I walked down the stairs, the house was deadly quiet, not the usual hustle and bustle of being in Ailish's home.  Everyone else left half an hour ago to head down to the venue for tonight's show giving me time to get ready to meet Sophie.

I was stood in the living room window watching for my taxi when my phone rang disturbing the silence.

"Hey babe" I answered as I watched the cars passing by the window.

"How'd it go?" he asked immediately, forgoing any pleasantries.

"It was fine Danny, seemed really straight forward" I answered, realising that he had been concerned.

"So they're my kids again?" He asked, his voice tinged with relief.

I took a deep breath, a little shocked by the way he'd phrased his question.  "They've always been your kids Danny, no piece of paper changes that" I answered, wishing I could've told him about my appointment face to face rather than over the telephone "But the legal stuff can't be done until Monday, Rhona will ring me when its finished"

"Ok" he answered, sounding a little disappointed.

"Where are the kids?" I asked, trying to refocus his attention.

"They're having a nap on the tour bus, sorry I should've rang you before they went."

"No, don't worry about that" I reassured him "I'll see you all soon, and tonight we're going to celebrate, OK?" I asked as I saw the taxi pull up outside the door and started collecting my things to leave.

"Yeah, I can't wait for tonight" he said thoughtfully.

"OK, I've got to go, the taxi's just arrived, make sure you smash the show, I know you will, and I'll see you after." I said as I left the house, locking the door behind me.

"Ok babe, I love you" he said

"Love you more" I replied as I hung up the phone and got into the waiting taxi.

I arrived at the restaurant to meet Sophie, she hadn't yet arrived, a waiter took me to our table.  I ordered a glass of wine and some water and sat watching the world go by.  Sophie arrived just a few minutes later, looking flustered.

"I'm so sorry I'm late Kay" She said as she hugged me before hastily taking off her jacket.

"You're not late Soph, I've only just got here" I laughed as she settled at the table.

The waiter returned with my drink.  "I didn't know what you'd want so I only ordered my wine." I said apologetically as he placed my glass in front of me before placing the water in the middle of the table.

"Oh, I'm fine with just the water for now" Sophie said to the waiter, as she took the bottle and poured herself a glass.

"So, did you get sorted today?" she asked as she started looking through the menu.

"Yeah pretty much" I told her "The legal stuff can't be done until Monday, but it feels good you know?"

The small talk continued throughout the starters, as the waiter delivered our mains, I went to order another drink.  "What are you having Sophie, red or white?" I asked her.

"I overdid it a bit last night Kay, I might just stick with water"

As we started to eat our main courses, the small talk continued.

"I didn't overdo it last night" Sophie suddenly said out of nowhere "In fact, I didn't even go to the bar, just went straight up to bed"

I looked at her puzzled, I wondered what was playing on her mind.

"Is Glen OK?" I asked with concern.

"He's fine" she nodded "I think going back on tour was exactly what he needed you know, it's like he's really him again"

I nodded, knowing exactly what she meant but not wanting to take the conversation in a new direction, so I remained silent.

"I need your advice Kay" she said, looking down to the table and unable to hold eye contact with me.

"OK" I said tentatively

"And I don't want to know what you would do, I want to know what you think I should do" she clarified before continuing, "I'm pregnant, and I've got no idea what to do"

I took a deep breath, realising that the usual response of 'Congratulations' just wasn't going to cut it here.  "What do you want to do?" I asked

"That's just it, I don't even know any more" she said, looking at me for the first time.  "My head says it was a mistake and I should have a termination but there's something stopping me from doing it. "

"What's stopping you?" I asked, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable with the conversation.

"I don't know" Sophie said looking worried.

"OK, I'm going to talk, and I don't know how much sense it's going to make, but I'm guessing you don't need a stunned silence right now" I said nervously. Sophie giggled her agreement, clearly realising that I wasn't comfortable either.  "I assume I'm the first person you've told about this?" she nodded but I needed further clarification, "Not even Glen knows?" her head shook looking slightly concerned.  "But the baby is Glens?" I asked, wishing I could push the words back into my mouth as soon as they had left.

"Of course it's Glens" Sophie said rolling her eyes.

"Just thought I'd check" I said with a nervous laugh. "So, I know that you've always said, no marriage, no kids but I've never really understood why, I mean you and Glen are perfect together.  But I've also never questioned it because it works for you two and you always seem happy, but this throws a whole new dimension onto it.  Maybe if Glen had said 'let's try for a baby' it would've been an instant no but now, whether you like it or not, you've actually got Glens baby growing inside you so it's not about whether or not you want a baby, it's about whether or not you can abort your baby"

"That's what's hard about it Kay, I don't want a baby.  That's just about the only thing I know for sure but there's also something stopping me from going for a termination so maybe I do want it?" she asked like I could give her the right answer.

"Would adoption be an option?" I asked grasping at straws.

"What do you think?" she responded "No, if Glen finds out I'm pregnant I know that he's going to want this baby, so its abortion or motherhood."

"For what it's worth Soph, I think you'd be an amazing mother" I said, almost unable to think of the hurt it could cause if she aborted the baby without speaking to Glen.

"Don't you think I'm a bit old for changing nappies though?" she asked

"Sophie, you're a year younger than me, and it's not really that long since I stopped changing nappies." I laughed.  "What are you really worried about?" I asked

"That I won't know what to do?" she shrugged.

"There's none of us know what to do" I reassured her "We just have to do what we think's right and hope for the best."