Breakeven

Chapter 8

I woke the next morning to my alarm bleeping insistently. I felt drained, I cried a river last night and probably only got a couple of hours sleep at best. I pushed the button to silence the alarm before sitting up in bed as I rubbed my face trying to wake up fully.

I looked over and saw Danny lying next to me, almost as if he had just passed out there, and still wearing last night's clothes. I shook my head in disgust as I got out of bed and went to get a cup of coffee before waking the kids.

Once I had dropped Adam, Jessica and Alleysha at school, I headed over to the hospital to see how Glen was this morning. I walked into Glen's room with Keira on my hip, trying to put on a brave face.

"How's the patient this morning?" I asked as I went in trying my best to sound upbeat.

"I'm good" Glen replied "Sorry for worrying you all last night"

"Glen don't apologise, I'm just glad you're OK" I reassured as I looked around the room. "Where's Sophie?" I asked.

"Mark and Rina have just took her to the café to get some breakfast, they won't be long" he replied as he looked at me with a look of pity.

"Mark told you?" I questioned

Glen nodded, "Want to talk about it?" he asked me.

"There's nothing to say" I told him honestly, I knew nothing but with Keira's little ears around, even if I did, now wouldn't be the time to start opening up. I changed the subject back to focussing on Glen. "So, what did the doctors say?"

"It was just a side effect of the chemo, just told me to take it easy, but I should be getting discharged later today."

"That's good" I said, feeling relief that at least one thing from last night seemed to be resolved. Knowing that I still had to face Danny today was weighing heavy on my mind.

The others soon returned from getting breakfast. Sophie looked tired, I guess she didn't get much sleep last night, I probably don't look much better.

"Kay" Mark said with a smile, his arms outstretched as he came to hug me. "How are you?" He whispered into my ear as he hugged me.

"I'm fine" I whispered back as I pulled out of his arms.

He looked at me sincerely, wanting me to speak up. "I'm fine" I nodded.

"Look at my favourite little girl!!" Mark said as he lifted Keira out of my arms "Have you got any kisses for Uncle Mark?" Keira giggled as Mark lifted her up above his head before he brought his arms down and kissed her.

Rina wrapped her arm around my shoulder, "Come on, we need to talk" she said to me. I didn't want to talk, but I did feel like I owed Rina an explanation. I followed her out of Glen's room and we walked the short distance back to the cafe that she had just come from.

Sitting down with our coffees Rina simply asked "How are you, really?"

I let out a sigh as I stared at my drink "Confused" I said honestly.

"How was he after Mark left?" Rina pressed on wanting to get to the truth.

"Rina, it was honestly fine. When Mark left I went to bed, he didn't kick off again if that's what you're worried about. He just sat there, no emotion, no nothing. I don't know when he came to bed but he was there this morning when I woke up."

"Have you spoken this morning?"

I shook my head, "he was still passed out when I took the kids to school this morning, and then I came here, I don't know what to say to him, does that sound strange?"

"A little, Kay you need to find out where that came from last night. Cameron was really upset, it took me ages to reassure him that he hadn't done anything wrong. And then when I heard the accusation about you and Mark..."

"He told you then, Rina I couldn't believe it. How long have we been friends? I would never go there with Mark."

Rina held my hand across the table reassuringly. "Kay it's not me you have to convince, I know there's nothing going on with you and Mark. But there is something going on in Danny's head and you need to find out what it is."

"I know, I'll talk to him when I get back, I just don't know where to start with it, I'm completely in the dark here."

"Why don't we take Keira for a couple of hours to give you two some space?". Rina suggested.

"I don't know" I replied, knowing that me and Danny probably wouldn't be able to talk with Keira around but also knowing that it was me leaving the kids with Cameron last night that started this whole thing off.

"I do" Rina replied with a smile "Pick her up when you're collecting the rest from school"

"Thank you" I whispered.

We went back to Glen's hospital room and I spent a while with everyone before I realised that I couldn't keep putting off speaking to Danny.

"Look after yourself Mr, I don't want to be back in a room like this for a long time" I joked as I hugged Glen.

"You look after yourself too, you need some sleep" I said hugging Sophie. She smiled and nodded.

"Thanks guys" I said as I kissed Mark and Rina on their cheeks "I'll see you later"

I kneeled down to Keira "You be a good girl for Uncle Mark and Auntie Rina OK, Mummy will see you later". I pressed my lips to her cheek before leaving the room.

I took a deep breath as I left and headed out to the car park. My stomach churned as I turned the key in the ignition but I headed home, knowing that I had to face this head on. It sounds crazy but I've never had to do this with Danny before, we have literally never left an argument to fester and I was scared.

As I pulled into the street I saw paparazzi crowding outside our gates, I realised immediately that they were looking for more details on the press release from this morning, which up until now I had completely forgotten about. The cameras started to snap at the car as I approached but I just drove straight past them pulling the car up onto the drive.

As I got out of the car I was bombarded with questions about what the illness in the band was and the famous question "Where's Danny?". I ignored the paparazzi, collecting up my belongings from the car as quickly as I could and heading for the front door. I really wanted to answer some of the questions that were being asked, if only to turn the spotlight away from me and Danny but we have all always agreed that the wall of silence is the best way to deal with paparazzi so I turned my keys in the lock and pushed the door open before rushing inside and closing out the chaos.