Breakeven

Chapter 22

After our bath, Danny went back to bed and managed to get a couple of hours sleep.  He seemed refreshed when he got up.  I was sat in the playroom with Keira and Alleysha, whilst Jessica and Adam were still in bed.  It's just my luck that when I'm not asleep, they want to be, any other morning they'd have been up hours ago.

Eventually, when everyone was awake we settled down at the kitchen table to eat breakfast.

"Dad can we go back to the studio today?" Adam asked, "It was fun yesterday"

"We can't son, the studio's booked today." Danny told him.

"There's never anything to do round here, it's so boring" Adam moaned.

Danny looked over to me and I nodded to let him know he could go ahead with what he was going to say.  "Well lucky for you, your mum's going to take you to visit Gran for a while" Danny told the kids, sounding upbeat as he did it.

"Not until after Kelsey's party though?" Jessica questioned.

"No honey, we'll go after Kelsey's party" I told her.  "So, is that a good thing? Would you all like to go and visit Gran?" I asked.

Keira nodded, her mouth full of food. Alleysha seemed really excited asking "Will we be going on the aeroplane?". I nodded, Jessica laughed before saying "We always go on an aeroplane to visit Gran."

"Can I take my guitar with me mum?" Adam asked.

"I don't see why not." I told him.

"Dad, are there any studios near Gran, maybe would could have a day there?" Adam asked Danny.

Danny looked uncomfortable, but why wouldn't the kids assume he was coming too?  "Actually son, I'm going to stay here, I've got a few things I need to do, but I'll skype you all every day."

"Can I not stay with you then Dad?"

Danny was quick to answer, "I thought you said it was boring here?"

"I'd just rather stay with you" he said before turning to me "I'll skype you every day Mum, it'll be fine."

This is the problem with Adam being Danny's mini me.  He just about accepts when Danny has to go on tour but when he's home he wants to spend all his time with him.

"Your Dad's going to be busy Adam, just come to Gran's, we'll have fun."

"I want to stay with Dad" he said starting to go into a sulk.

"I suppose he could stay here if he wants to." Danny said.  I shot him a look which told him that wasn't the right response.

"I thought you were busy Danny" I said, almost through gritted teeth.

"No, I can manage what I've got to do with Adam still here" he said as he stood up from the table and started to clear the empty plates.

"So, can I stay Mum?" Adam asked hopefully.

"I suppose so." I reluctantly agreed.  How could I not?

Once everyone was finished breakfast the kids wandered off to do their thing, leaving me and Danny alone in the kitchen.

"What was all that about?" I asked him.

"Kay, he wanted to stay, what was I supposed to say?" He asked me

"No Danny, you were supposed to say no" I snapped as I could feel myself becoming annoyed at him.

"Kay, I'm letting you take the girls and I even agreed to let you take Adam but why should I force him to go when actually I don't want any of you to go.  You're being so selfish Kay, if you need to get away then go, if the kids are happy to go with you then fine but don't make out like I'm being unreasonable here, because I'm not" he snapped back making me realise that I was being selfish.

I sighed and got up from the table to get my laptop.  If Danny thinks that this will stop me from going, he's wrong.  Half an hour later I had booked flights for me and the girls for Sunday afternoon and had rang my Mum to let her know we were coming.  Then the doubt started to kick in and I wondered if I was doing the right thing.  What was I running from?

As I closed my laptop Danny came in.  "I'm taking the kids to the park, are you coming?" he asked.

"Do you mind if I don't?" I asked, feeling exhausted.

"No, we'll have fun without you" he joked.  "Go to bed Kay, you look exhausted" he said as he kissed my cheek.

I helped him getting the kids ready to go and then waved them off at the door before heading back to bed.

I lay in bed for a while, exhausted but unable to get to sleep.  My mind was on overdrive, I thought that going away would make things better for me and Danny but as I thought over this morning I wondered why I wanted to get away.  Our relationship is as good as it ever has been, he's back to being caring, attentive and supportive of me and it's not like he even cares about my constant need to check up on him, I made the big deal of it, not him.  I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that perhaps leaving wasn't the right thing to do, maybe I should just stay and accept my life for what it is?

I got up and ready deciding that I would go and meet Danny and the kids to enjoy my family, why complicated things any further than that?

I walked the short distance to the park, enjoying the sunshine.  But when I got there, I couldn't see Danny or the kids anywhere.  I walked around the whole park looking carefully for them and they definitely weren't there, I felt my heartbeat starting to race.  I sat on a bench, lifted my phone from my pocket and dialled Danny's number.

"Kay" he answered with intrigue in his voice.

"Where are you Danny?" I asked as calmly as I could.

"Kay, don't" he said, his voice almost a whisper.

"I'm in the park Danny and neither you nor the kids are here, where the hell are you and where are my kids?" I asked as I strained to hear any background noise that would tell me where he was if he didn't.

"We're at the ice cream parlour over the road, Alleysha needed an ice cream, come and join us, I'll order you one too."

I hung up the phone and hung my head in my hands in frustration at how wound up I had got myself.  The kids are with their Dad, what harm will come to them while they are with him, why can't I just trust him?