Breakeven

Chapter 18

I woke the next morning in an empty bed, this whole thing has got so complicated now that I don't even know where I stand with Danny.  He promised that we would get this all out in the open and then totally let me down last night, and I don't fully understand why.

Just as I went to move, Danny appeared at the bedroom door carrying a tray with breakfast on.  I smiled as he came in realising that he was trying.

"Morning gorgeous" he said as he sat on the bed and placed the tray between us.

I leaned over to kiss him, "Morning" I said with a smile.

Danny rolled up one of the pancakes and took a bite before pushing the tray towards me and saying "Tuck in"

I started to eat the remaining pancakes with Danny just sat watching me.  I could feel a tension in the air, which I hate to say but it isn't unusual.

"How did you sleep last night?" I asked him.

"Not great, I was up about three times in the night.  I almost woke you at one point because I was really struggling but I didn't want to disturb you." He told me.

"Stop worrying about disturbing me Danny, we've got to do this together." I said sincerely and I reached for his hand.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell the lads last night babe, I genuinely intended to but I just didn't want to ruin the night, I had no idea that it would upset you so much" he said as his thumb stroked over my hand.

"I'm not upset Danny, just disappointed I guess, and drained, and confused, and everything in between.  I don't want you to ever feel like you haven't got my support but I had no idea how hard this would all be.  If you don't want to tell the lads then that's your decision and I'm not going to force you to do it but don't shut me out, if you're up through the night with anxiety, wake me.  If you feel like you're not on track, talk to me.  You're not on your own Danny"

He leaned over to hug me "I know" he said before kissing my cheek as he pulled out of the hug.

"Mum, can you take me and Amber shopping today, we've got Kelsey's birthday party at the weekend and we need new outfits for it" Jessica said as she came wandering into the bedroom with Amber following her.

"OK, I'll take you this afternoon, what are you thinking of getting?" I asked cautiously.

"Dunno Mum, we'll just have a look" she said as she turned to leave the bedroom.

"What's wrong with the hundreds of outfits she's got in her wardrobe?" Danny asked me when she was gone. I just laughed at him and shook my head, Jessica is 9 going on 19 and always needs a new outfit.

"Are you coming with us?" I asked Danny with a giggle, knowing that he hates shopping with Jessica.

"I'd love to babe, but I'm meeting Mark today, we've been asked to write a song for someone so we're going to knock that up this afternoon"

There it was, that feeling in the pit of my stomach where I realise that I really don't trust Danny.  I wish I could stop feeling like this but it's just not going away.  "Who are you writing for?" I asked him, partly because I was genuinely interested but mostly because I wanted to know more about where he was going to be and what he was going to do today.

"I don't know, Mark just texted me this morning asking if I could get in to the studio today to knock up a demo" He replied calmly.  He must've seen the doubt on my face as he took his phone from his pocket and found the text to show me. Just as Danny said, Mark didn't mention who the artist was that they were writing for.

I felt really bad for doubting him.  "I'm sorry" I said as I looked up from his phone and into his eyes.

"I get it Kay, but you've got to try to trust me again" he said as he took the phone from me and got off the bed.

"Where you going?" I asked, feeling as though I had really hurt him.

"I'm going to see if Adam would rather come to the studio with me than shopping with you" he laughed as he walked out of the bedroom.

I sat in bed finishing off my breakfast, my mind racing, were we ok? Should I trust him fully again? Will we ever get back to the way things were? I had so many questions and no answers, this whole thing is killing me.