Breakeven

Chapter 41

"But I don't understand Mum?" Adam questioned

"How much do you remember about what happened?" I asked, trying not to push him or upset him.

"I didn't like when you were away, it was fine for a few days and then Leroy started coming round all the time, and it wasn't like when Uncle Mark or Glen come round, they would just send me away to another room and I was on my own. Leroy told me that I was too young to join in with what him and Dad were doing. I told him that I wasn't, and that I'm always allowed to stay when Uncle Mark's there. He told me if I thought I was old enough to be involved I had to eat some sherbet, I don't remember much after that."

I could see Adam getting upset and I didn't want to ask any more questions, he was clearly worried that he would be in trouble.

"It's OK darling" I said as I hugged him. "You've done nothing wrong, and nobody's angry with you OK?" I looked over at Catherine as I held Adam in my arms and mouthed the words 'can we stop', to my relief she nodded as she finished scribbling her notes.

"I need to speak to your mum Adam, but we're going to be right out there if you want her to come back in." Catherine said as she pointed to the window where Adam could see out into the corridor.

I kissed Adam gently as I stood up and followed Catherine out into the corridor.

"What will happen now?" I asked as we got outside.

"I don't know" she replied thoughtfully "I may need to speak to him again but I don't want to upset him so soon after waking up. To your credit, you and Danny have done everything we have asked and my recommendation will be that as you are now the sole carer for your children, they won't need to be placed on the child protection register. However, we cannot ignore what has happened and it's likely that they will be classed as child in need so it's not the end of our involvement. I need to speak with my superiors and there will be a formal meeting arranged in the next couple of days to review all of the evidence, I'll be in touch to let you know when that will be happening."

I nodded, appreciating Catherine's help around this and accepting that what has happened is too serious to be ignored. At least it seems like she is on my side now and not trying to take my kids from me.

"Can I show him Danny's video now?" I asked, Catherine wouldn't allow Adam to see it until she had his version of events recorded in case Danny was trying to influence him.

"If you think it's appropriate" she replied, putting the weight of the decision back onto me.

I turned to walk back into Adams room, "You'll make the right decision" Catherine said supportively before she walked away down the corridor.

"Why did she need to know what happened Mum, what's going on?" Adam asked as I went back into his room.

"There's a lot of things going on at the minute son, none of them your fault. Catherine needs to know that you're safe and she doesn't want to see you back in hospital again so she's just here to look out for you." I said trying to explain the whole thing as simply as I could.

"Is she angry at me?" he asked

"Not at all, nobody is angry at you." I told him as I climbed up onto his bed and pulled him into a hug.

"But, why hasn't Dad been to see me? Is he angry at me?" he asked.

How can I simplify the past week so that Adam can understand what has happened without him feeling at all responsible? I sighed as I thought about what I should say.

"Your Dad can't come to see you son, he would if he could. Do you know what the sherbet that Leroy gave you was?" I asked.

"No" came the timid reply.

"It was drugs, and I don't want you to worry about that, Liam has made sure that they are all out of your body now and we all know that you didn't have them deliberately. But your Dad had been taking them as well and that's why he can't come in to see you, he has to go and get better too."

"Is Dad going to die?" Adam asked with a real worry in his voice.

I hugged him tighter. "No, he's not going to die. He just needs to get better, and he will." I told him. "Your dad loves you very much and if you want to see it, he recorded you a message before he went away so that you could watch it when you woke up."

Adams arm tightened around my waist as he cuddled into me more. "Please don't leave me again Mum" he said out of the blue.

"Never" I said as I kissed the top of his head, feeling guilty that I ever put him in this situation.

We lay on the bed, him in my arms for what felt like hours before he timidly asked "Can I watch Dad's video?"

"Of course you can darling" I said as my hand rubbed soothingly over his back while I reached for my phone with my other hand. "But if you want to stop it at any time, just stop it ok?"

Adam nodded as he took the phone from my hand. I moved to get up from the bed to give him some space but he clung to me as soon as he felt me moving.

"Will you watch it with me Mum?" he asked, I saw the fear in his eyes.

"Honey, you don't have to watch this now if you're not ready" I reassured him.

"No, I want to" he said as he settled down cuddled into me and found the video on my phone.