Breakeven

Chapter 12

3 weeks later and I'm still waiting for those 'plenty other date nights'. No relationship should be this much hard work. What I've come to realise is that I still love Danny, unconditionally, and I think that he still loves me but we are growing apart and I have no idea why. The moments that once were effortless and spontaneous now seem like they take military planning and the times in between seem like I'm walking on eggshells.

Danny's mood swings haven't improved at all, if anything they are worse than ever. There are times when I feel as though I don't even know him and he just seems to look through me when we are together, his eyes seem dead. I see him less and less as he's always going out, never telling me where he's going or when he'll be back. I wish he had just gone on tour, I know that when he's away with the band I feel like a single mother and it's hard but I've come to realise that it's 10 times harder when I feel like a single mother and he's here.

I needed a change of scenery, so I collected up everything I needed and decided to go into work today.

"Can you have Keira today so that I can go to work Danny?" I asked as he came downstairs looking rather unkempt.

"I need to go out" he replied coldly.

"Can you not take her with you?" I asked, hoping that this would either encourage him to take Keira or encourage him to tell me where he was going.

"Can you not?" he replied mimicking my tone as he went to make himself breakfast.

I was livid with him, yes, it's true that I can take Keira to work with me but I never get as much done when she's there because I have to keep her entertained and I also just thought 'why should I?'

I packed a bag with some of Keira's toys and went to put it in the car, as I closed the car door I saw Danny at the window watching me to see if I was leaving without her. I stormed back into the house and collected Keira. "Enjoy your day" I said to Danny as I left, not meaning a single word of it.

My morning at work felt productive, and Keira was really well-behaved meaning that I got through quite a lot. It was mid-morning when Jodie, one of our support workers, came to my office door.

"Kay, have you got a minute?" she asked "I need your advice."

I invited Jodie into the office and sat down with her, she briefed me on a client that she has been working with who is in serious risk of being made homeless. I could see that Jodie had real concerns over this client and I knew that she wasn't the type of person who was easily swayed by a sob story.

"I don't know what it is Kay, she's disclosed some drug use to me, which explains the way she hasn't been looking after her tenancy but it's like she's trapped in the cycle. I really believe that she could get through this but she tells me that her dealer is hounding her every day, threating to expose her use and filling her head with ideas that she'll lose her kids if it all comes out." Jodie told me with concern.

"Have you got any concerns over her children's safety?" I asked Jodie

"No, she's a good mum, she always puts her children's needs first." Jodie said without hesitation "but she has said that she can't move on while her dealer knows where she is."

I could see where this was heading, Jodie wanted the green light to move the family to another property to start again. If only it was that easy, the charity has such a limited funds to help people with their accommodation needs that in cases where there is only a risk to becoming homeless we usually have to work with authorities to resolve issues and keep the clients in their current homes.

"Has she got anywhere in mind?" I asked, wondering sceptically if this client was just trying to play the system to get moved.

"She'll go anywhere, Kay would you just review the file and let me know what you think?" Jodie asked.

I nodded and took the file from her, promising to review it this afternoon.

I reviewed the file, the drug use was fairly low level but was enough to place a financial strain on the family's income, leading her to miss her rental payments and get to the position she was in currently where she was facing losing her home. She had voluntarily entered into a drug treatment program and was engaging well with it attending all of her appointments but throughout her time in the program she was making disclosures of drug use when she was visited by her dealer.

There was nothing in the file that I hadn't seen a hundred times before and I wondered what had made Jodie so attached to this case so I called her back into my office.

"What's different about this client Jodie? Based on her file, I can't approve her for a move" I told her with sympathy.

"I don't know Kay, she's just got so much potential and I feel like the dealer is the key to this, she needs him out of her life and she can't do that while he knows where she lives."

"Would she not just tell him where she had moved to though? How can we be sure that she's ready for this fresh start, the treatment program hasn't stopped her from being involved with him?"

"She never contacts him, it's always him contacting her. I really think she wants to move on but she just can't" Jodie almost pleaded with me.

I toyed it over in my head but it just didn't make sense. None of it did.

"Do we know anything about the dealer" I asked Jodie

"Just his name, if it even is his real name" Jodie replied in defeat. "She only ever refers to him as Leroy"

I felt sick as Jodie said this, and my focus suddenly switched from the client that Jodie came to discuss as I wondered if we were talking about the same Leroy. Could Danny be caught up in a world of drug use? It would certainly explain the mood swings and the distinct lack of emotion that Danny has been displaying recently. I glanced at Keira, sat on my office floor, playing with her toys and I felt the colour drain from me as a wave of nausea took over my body, I had asked Danny to take her with him today, what if he had agreed? Where would she be right now?

"Are you alright Kay?" Jodie asked with concern.

"I'm fine" I smiled at Jodie. "Look the charity can't do anything for her but if you genuinely believe her story then I'll pay to have her moved to temporary accommodation if you can get that set up for today" I said as I took my credit card out of my purse and handed it to Jodie. "If she doesn't mess this up then I'll pay for a new tenancy for her, just get her away from that monster, she deserves a chance."

Jodie looked shocked by my decision, it was unsurprising as I was usually so good at keeping emotions out of the difficult decisions I had to make at work and had never personally paid to have a family moved. But this felt different, maybe I was throwing money at this client to try to save Danny, but I knew it wasn't that easy.

"Are you sure?" Jodie asked me, looking down at the card I had handed her.

"Yeah, just get her sorted. I'm going to have to go so just let me know what happens." I said, rushing our meeting to the conclusion as I felt an urgency to check on Danny.

Jodie left the office and I immediately picked up my phone, dialling Danny's number.

"Your call cannot be taken at the moment so please leave a message after the tone....."

I threw my phone down onto the desk and rubbed my hands over my face in desperation, where the hell was Danny?