Breakeven

Chapter 14

We were sat at the kitchen table, I was staring at the tea that I had made, that neither of us really wanted. Danny was looking at me, waiting to hear what was on my mind.

"Jessica asked me tonight if we were getting a divorce" I blurted out

Danny sat silently.

"Do you want a divorce?" I asked him as I looked up from my hands and into his eyes.

He said nothing, just shook his head.

"Danny, I can't keep on ignoring this and hoping that tomorrow we'll wake up and be us again, I love you so much but I'm not happy and I don't know how much longer I can live like this." I told him

"Like what?" Danny asked as if he hadn't noticed the tension that is always between us.

"Like this" I said gesturing between us. "I'm not blaming you, I know the last couple of months have been tough with everything that's been going on with Glen and the band but do you even realise how much you've shut me and the kids out?"

"I didn't mean to" Danny replied, hanging his head shamefully.

I reached over and held his hand, "Tell me honestly Danny, where have you been?" I asked again.

Danny shook his head as he looked towards the floor, "I can't" he said.

I leaned forward and lifted his head to look at me again, "You have to Danny, for us you have to"

Danny looked at me in the eyes, it was all the confirmation that I needed to know that my instincts were right and he had been with Leroy.

"Who were you with?" I asked

"Mark" Danny replied quickly, a little too quickly given his previous hesitance to answer anything.

"So, if I called Mark now he'd tell me that he was with you all day?" I asked

I saw Danny glance at the clock in the kitchen before he said "Yes, call him"

I glanced to the clock myself and saw the reason that Danny was so confident in his answer, it was after 2am and he knew that I wouldn't call Mark at this time. My heart wanted to believe him, but my gut feeling told me he was lying.

"I don't need to call him Danny, I spoke to him earlier and he told me that he hadn't seen you all day" I lied, I hadn't spoken to Mark or Rina today but Danny's next reaction will tell me without having to disturb anyone if he is lying to me.

"Why do you always have to check up on me?" Danny said defensively.

I couldn't beat around the bush any longer so I decided to go straight in with the accusation.

"Because when you're out using drugs with Leroy, I worry about you Danny."

His gaze flew up to meet mine, he looked shocked at what I had just said but he didn't make any attempts to deny it. Was I happy that I was right? Absolutely not, but was I happy that this was out in the open now? Maybe.

"I'm sorry Kay, please don't leave me" he sobbed.

I got up from my chair and went to hug Danny, he clung onto me so tightly as he cried onto my shoulder. My hand rubbed his back gently trying to comfort him and as he started to calm down I said to him "I need to know everything"

The conversation continued through the night, it was the toughest night of my life, but I got most of the answers I needed.

Danny had met Leroy in a bar, not long after we had got the news about Glen. He was struggling to deal with everything that was going on at the time and said that he didn't want to talk to anybody close to the band because he felt it was selfish of him to be worrying about his career.

It wasn't that he opened up to Leroy particularly, but on their chance encounter in that bar, Leroy gave him some pills which he told Danny 'would take the edge off life'. Danny took the pills, not realising at the time how addictive they would become and he felt more able to cope as they seemed to block out his worries.

As time went on, Danny realised that he was becoming addicted to the pills and started to see Leroy more and more. Leroy offered him other drugs along the way but Danny hadn't liked the effects they had on him. He told me that the night Glen was rushed to hospital he has been snorting cocaine which was what made him so aggressive, he told me how much he had regretted that night but he felt that he couldn't speak to me about it because Leroy told him that if I found out that he was using I would leave and he would never see the kids again.

We talked about the promises that Danny had made when we talked after that night, Danny told me that he didn't mean to lie, he genuinely intended to stay away from Leroy but his withdrawal mixed with constant phone calls from Leroy, threatening to expose his use meant that he went back to meeting Leroy on a regular basis and that was when he started to distance himself from me because he felt like he couldn't win, if I didn't leave him for the drug use, I'd definitely leave him for breaking his promise to me, truth has always been the basis of our relationship.

My husband was broken, he feared that it would be Glen's illness that ended his career and he made reckless decisions that could have exactly that result. Despite not having any promo, the album has still been at number 1 for 2 weeks but now Danny has jeopardised the band by getting involved with Leroy.

"We'll get through this" I said as I lifted Danny's chin and pressed my lips against his, I needed him to feel we were together on this but I had no idea what to do next.