Queen of the Underworld

46

"So, how are you and wonder boy doing?"

I sat down next to Gabriel, on my bed. Lorenzo allowed him to stay a little while longer, but he'd be leaving first thing tomorrow morning.

"Honestly, I have no idea. On my part, things are great. I mean, I get that he would need space after what just happened, hell, I need space too."

He smiled faintly, "but?"

Sighing, I looked up to the ceiling. "But...I guess I just need him, you know. I know I sound all needy and gross, but I can't help it. I found it inevitable to get close to Nick, and now that I did, I can't stop. But if he needs space, he can have it. I don't mind."

"Sure you don't."

I scoffed, "I don't! It was traumatic, so the least I can do is give him space."

I felt him come closer, "and what about you? You also went through that trauma."

"Me? I'm fine."

I kept my eyes glued to the plain white ceiling.

"I mean, you play the part perfectly. You haven't cried and haven't shown any emotion whatsoever that relates to grief or fear. So tell me, how are you?" I moved away from him, looking for the remote.

"I already told you how I am: fine. There's no more to the story." Turning on the TV, I began channel surfing.

"Anastasia, I know I've only known you for a few months, and it might not be that much. Yet, I know you enough to know that you're not fine."

I turned off the TV and threw the remote on the bed, facing him. "Oh really? Well that's funny, because I've known myself for seventeen years, and I'm pretty sure I am."

He sighed and gave me that solemn look that I hated. "Listen, I don't mean to press any buttons. I just know what this life does to people, especially when they choose to bottle up their emotions. I'm not being nosy, I just want to make sure you're alright."

"Well, I'm alright. No need to worry. The worst this life can do is kill me, and at this point, that doesn't sound half bad."

He shook his head, "that's where you're wrong. The worst thing this life can do, is let you live while everyone and everything falls apart beside you. You're surviving, but dying slowly on the inside. It's not a bad idea to talk to someone."

I walked to the bathroom, "I'll make sure to remember that for future reference."

I shut the door before he could get any other word out.

I'm fine. I am. I know what I lost, and I learned to not let it deter me.

I lost Jacob, and I learned to erase him from my mind.

I lost my parents, and I coped with it until it became the reason I'm still here.

I'm alive and well. So, therefore, I am fucking fine.

If only the rest of the damn world understood that.

I left the bathroom when I heard the door to my room shut.

I got under the covers and let my thoughts keep me awake. I let them keep me away from the nightmares that plagued my mind and forced me into paralyzing fear.

**

I didn't want to leave the bed.

I felt glued to it. The last thing on my mind was facing the real world. I didn't care for it.

It could all burn to ash, and I'd stay right here.

Gabriel left a little more than a  week and a half ago. It's May and school is becoming a pain in my ass too.