Acquaintances

Chapter 23: Don't Thank Me

A/N: So I was trying to study but this chapter just kept like haunting my brain, so I had to write. I’m going to try and ban myself from writing till after Exams again but I just don’t know if that will happen.

Songs;

My love- Sia

Bloodflood- Alt J

Sad beautiful tragic- Taylor Swift 

LOLA’S POV

“Mum?” My voice cracks as the call connects, and I bite my lip to stop the trembling.

“Lola, honey what’s wrong?”
“Someone’s going to get hurt.” I cry, my voice losing control to the sobs, my tears running down my cheek and wetting my phone screen.

“Honey what are you talking about?”
“I love him, but not just him, and I don’t…I can’t be with him yet, if he’s the one, I would know, and part of me does know but the rest of me is confused, and I want like 100 percent he’s the one confirmation and I don’t have that yet, and now I’m throwing away Matt and Harry all on the hope of Louis and what if that’s not enough? What if I resent him? I couldn’t sleep last night, I couldn’t stop thinking about..about..I don’t even know who.” My sentences are unintelligible, barely audible through my muffled sobs.

“Who? Sweetheart who?”
“Louis.”

“You’re with Louis?” She clarifies.

“Yes, I didn’t listen to you, and I got involved and now someone’s going to get hurt because I’m not ready to commit, I thought I had a year before I had to deal with these feelings but they are here and they won’t go away, and he makes me so happy but my heart wants to be miserable and Mum…” I cry, confusion taking it’s toll on me.

“And Harry hates me, and Matt doesn’t even care, and how can I feel so alone when I’m with someone? This isn’t what it was meant to be like..it was meant to be like last time, when it was perfect and I was so in love with him, and it was for a few days but then everything took over, I can’t commit, I can’t forget the list…but I don’t want to hurt him, what if he walks away because I’m not ready?” I sob, 22 going on 23 and I still need my Mum to calm me down.
“Lola, I can barely understand you.”

“I don’t’ know what to do, Mum I’m so lost. I was meant to be strong this year…it’ was meant to be different and I was meant to have control over this stuff but I don’t, I wish I did but I don’t, I don’t know what to do…” I cry, realizing I’m giving her a very horrible recount of what’s going on.

“Lola, I don’t understand. Why don’t you talk to Louis? I’m sure he will understand.”
“But he won’t, and he’s so vulnerable at the moment, it’s all my fault, if I had just been there for him nothing would’ve happened.” I sob.

“What wouldn’t have happened honey?”
Do I tell Mum about Louis’ overdose? What if I marry him one day and she thinks my husband is a drug addict?
“He’s just not coping well.” I lie. “And I don’t want to push him to the edge again by breaking this off…” I cry, banging my head against the steering wheel. I had been on my way back to Louis’ after getting clean clothes from home, when the thoughts began to take over to the point I was shaking, had to pull over and couldn’t stop crying, a heavy weight on my chest that shouldn’t be there because this was meant to be my year. Not theirs.

“Sweetheart, calm down. Just deep breaths, I have to go because my lecture starts in ten minutes, but just breathe.” She says, her words having a surprisingly calming affect.