Love In A Battlefield

Chapter 25:Part 2

     I can't hear
     My ears are ringing and that doesn't fade but neither does the pain of my heart meeting my rib cage. Matt's mothers voice is low and I have to steady myself on the counter so I can focus on her voice and not the spinning room.
     "Can-can you please start over," I can feel the burn in my throat "I-I-I don't understand"
     I'm turning hysterical by the sobs echoing from the other line "I thought he was with you and when he didn't answer his phone...Quinn are you sure he didn't leave his phone or-or anything like that?"
     "No," I croak out "No, I would've heard it ringing. Linda, I need you to listen to me, okay? I need to go out and look for him, I need to go and-I don't know. But I need to do something. Stay home with Sarah. Can you check the hospitals?"
     "Yes," she whispers "yes I can do that. Quinn, honey, I don't know what this family would have done without you. Matt-Matt was a mess the years we left. I never should have-"
     "Linda, it's okay. That part of our lives is over." When nothing comes through on the other line I go on "We need to focus on finding your son, call the police and try hospitals and see if they have had a John Doe with his description. We will find him, Linda. Alive."
     She pleads a final thank you and suddenly everything kick starts. I don't have to be brave anymore. I don't have to put on an act to a mother who doesn't know if her child is dead or alive or anywhere in between. I don't have to put on a brave face anymore.
     So I take deep and controlled breaths as I brave my hand against the counter and the other against my stomach. I clutch the oversized hoodie close to my face and let hot tears stream down my face.
     I sink to the floor and wonder what I do now. Do I sit here a while longer to understand all of this or do I get up...
     Do I get up and learn what I don't want to learn