Love In A Battlefield

Chapter 5

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     As I sit here thinking about the pain and emotion that the cancer has caused not just for me but for everyone else around me. I can't help but sit here and wonder about the near future, my  near future. I can't help but wonder if I will be able to go to somebody's house for the holidays and chat with random people about stupid things like puppies or kittens and never get restless because I won't have to take a little white pill. Wonder if I can wake up one morning and comb my hair without losing hair. Wonder if I can ever have a child. Wonder about my childhood.

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      "Quinn" Logan's concerning yet sweet voice seems so far yet he is maybe a few feet away from me, I face him and look him in the eye, his sad and painful eye. 

      "Drew! She's over here!" Logan calls to Drew and he rushes over to us, the tears have stopped and Logan picks me up by the arm and makes me stand on my own two feet. 

      "Are you alright? Quinn! Are you alright?" Drew's now booming voice springs me back to reality and I unravel my arms and take a deep breath before starting to walk away, but that doesn't seem to work. 

   "What if I died? What If one day I didn't wake up or I didn't see another tomorrow? I'm scared and all I want to do is just live my life and I can't exactly do that, so what if one day I never woke up? would the pain stop? Would the emotion just disappear?" They stare as I rant about death "What if one day something happens? Like dad, a car comes out of nowhere and I can't be saved"

   "Quinn, I don't even know why you would think of such a thing anyway. You are here, you are alive and right now that is what matters yes dad did die in a quick and unsuspected way, but mom manages because she has us, more importantly she has you ever since we left." Logan is sentimental as im sure Drew is thinking of a current joke or speech to make me feel better. 

     "Yeah Q, you are just scaring cancer away. It's just going to take a little time before it does, it is just patience and time Quinn and you have that" Drew gives me a reassuring hug and Logan hands me some water. 

     "Guys, something isn't right..." I fell, I blacked out and I can hear everything yet I can't speak and I certainly can't move. 

     "Quinn! Quinn wake up! Logan, did she take her meds this morning?" Drew shouts at Logan and he hesitates to answer properly. 

     "Yeah, she took three of them. How many was she supposed to take?" I hear Drew say Five and they both start freaking out. "Okay I'll carry her, do you have your phone Drew?"

    "Uh...yeah why?" I can feel being lifted into the air and my head hanging off the side of Logan's arm.

    "Call mom and tell her what happened, she'll know what to do" Nothing more is said and all I hear is footsteps being taken at a fast pace. 

    A screen door slams and now more angelic footsteps are being taken. "Quinn, oh honey. Logan put her in her room and tuck her in, she needs oxygen because I don't hear much healthy breathing I'll get her situated if you can just put her down." 

     "Sure mom, I promise we had her drink water" that was the last of the conversation and next thing I understand I'm breathing better and a door closes shut, and I'm still asleep. 

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    I wake up a few hours later and when I do I take off my oxygen snout and turn off the tank. My oxygen deminished from when we got back from the doctor. When I lift myself off the bed I feel every ache and every joint in my body crack, I feel like I have the flu times ten. I wobble out of my room and sit on a barstool. My mother knowing the drill to a tee. 

    "How are you feeling?" She walks to the medicine cabinet and takes two ibuprofen out of the bottle and gets me a glass of orange juice. She gives me the medicine and drink and I just take a swig of juice and the medicine and just swallow. 

     "I guess, I hurt and I pretty sure look like an idiot because of the way I wobble" I giggle and I realize the pain is there so I stop, all I can remember about the pain is I blacked out and some more stuff went on but I'm too groggy to even remember closing my eyes.

     "Honey, when you were sleeping your brothers and I talked, they told me that you guys had a discussion about you dying and everything being better? Why would you say such a thing?" The boys left us to talk and we suddenly traveled to the couch where I rested my head against the back of the couch while she had that sad look everybody else has. 

   "Because, I just thought that I want to be able not to wake up every morning and take medicine, I want to wake up and drink coffee before everything else. The pain when you look at me is huge and you guys can't tell but I certainly can. I want to live a cancer free life" 

   "Quinn, do you remember when you were little and you just dreamed of being an angel? You and your dad had always talked about it and when he died you were so distraught and everyone could see that in your eyes. That went away overtime but when you turned 13 I had to tell you that you had cancer and that was so hard, that was just as hard as telling you your dad died. That look in your eyes came back, that awful look of distraught"

    "Why are you mentioning this? I mean I get it but I just don't understand" She sighed and pushed her hair out of her face. 

    "I'm telling you this because that is what you see in our eyes, and no matter what happens to you or to me or to anybody, you will always be a little angel and you will always be an angel when you die" we both gave a smile and I hugged her. My mom knew how to get through to me that no one else could.

    "Thank you mom, thank you so much" 

    "Of course honey, what kind of mom would I be if I didn't give you pep talks? now, why don't we watch a movie? You love movies" That made me smile as we all came together on the couch with popcorn and watch a movie. Together.

   After watching the movie I got up and put the bowl of popcorn on the counter before telling everyone good night. I closed my bedroom door and crawled into bed and just stared at the ceiling for a couple of minutes before finally closing my eyes.

   I knew that whatever happened today...I would always be here tomorrow.

Authors Note:

     First off thank you anyone who is reading the story and enjoying it, I am so happy that I have gotten this far and I'm excited to finish and see how many reads or votes this story  can get. So thank you for that.

     Second, I'm sorry that this was a sad chapter but I really wanted to let you guys inside her mind and see what I always think off when I am writing about Quinn, so once again my apologies if you cried at all (I know I was on the verge of tears just re-reading it during editing)

      Third, Thank you for reading and I hope you keep with the story! If it wasn't for the readers I don't think I ever would have gotten it finished or even started! Hope you enjoy the next chapter of Quinn Jackson!