Love In A Battlefield

Chapter 12

     Today, I was not going to school, today I would be going back to the children's hospital for evaluation. I stayed up half the night wondering what my evaluation would give me, if I was better or if I was getting worse than what I already was. The nerves fluttered in my stomach for hours and no amount of Tums that helped that would make that horrible feeling go away and considering that I have no luck with any of my reoccurring evaluations. Except this time Justin offered to come with me because my mother tends to freak out and somewhere in there a couple of tears made a visit. 

      I sign in horror as I have only gotten, at best, an hour of sleep. The clock on my bedside reads around six-thirty...so with no hope and no motivation I get out of my bed and pull on some jeans and a hoodie. I quickly pull a brush through my hair and go into the kitchen for my medicine and breakfast that my mother would make sure I did. 

      I find myself ignoring the thought of breakfast and just going ahead and skipping the kitchen all together. My mother is in the kitchen flipping through one of her old cookbooks, she is also drinking a cup of coffee and when I walk in there she stops what she is doing and stares at me intensely.  I stare right back. 

      "What is it?" She clears her throat and folds her legs across each other while she moves uncomfortably in the chair.  

      "You aren't wearing your beanie or bandanna and I just...I've uh-never seen you without one yet" I instantly feel saddened by her comment but I want her to know that the bald part of me is a part of me that I will forever have to deal with. 

       "I can go put one on if you are uncomfortable-" I twist my body and position my thumb to the hallway that leads to my room but she gets up and waves her hand back and forth. 

       "No, no. You are so beautiful...there isn't any need for that" She gently touches my head and smiles wide before quickly removing it just as fast. The cancer part of me is all that she can see. 

       "Yet you look at me like all you can see is the cancer growing inside me...taking your daughter away from you. Am I right?" I was a little more demanding and she was stunned, but didn't say no.

        "How can I not? I love you so much and I am trying so hard" She started crying and I pulled her into a hug. I nestled my head into her hair as she sobbed.

        "It won't take me away" She mumbles I can't understand but eventually she backs away and gives a half smile that I know that she is forcing. 

        "I know that, Justin will be here soon I better uh-I better go get freshen up" I just nodded and moved out of her way so she could go past. It wasn't long until the seven 0'clock mark hit and Justin would be at the door any minute now. 

         Mom was out and having another cup of coffee and having some breakfast when the door rang, I was in my room cleaning up a bit in my room considering the amount of clothing and shoes that scattered the floor but I was winded after the first few times I went from the closet back to the other side of the room.

    "Quinn! Are you ready? Justin is here and we better get going if we want to make it!" It was either now or never so I grabbed my phone and beanie since it was cold and when I walked out all Justin could see was the bald head that replaced the hair that was once there. 

     Matt didn't stare, he didn't have an expression, he didn't even look. That made me feel better about myself in a sense I suppose. 

     I smiled and walked over to Justin to give him a hug real quick before we left. 

     "Good morning" He said, pulling me into the hug and gently kissing my forehead as if he would have hurt me if he pushed too hard. I was made of glass.