Everything feels so; weird. Like, I don't feel like I belong here, I've been staying at Luke's for the past week and it just feels; wrong. I don't know; I don't know if it was me forgiving him or the fact that we sleep in the same bed.
I'm sitting on his bed swinging my legs back and forth waiting for Luke to come back from the bathroom, my eyes glance over at his bedside table with crumpled line paper with scribbles and rips all over them; without thinking I grab one.
All those fairy tales are full of shit you know? Everyone knows there's no fucking happy ending. It's all just fantasies love-sick people make-up. I'm sitting here so fucking alone, high of my ass waiting for you that will never come. I've planned it every day since I left, how I've missed you so much, how many restless nights I've had without you. But now that I saw you I didn't have the words to speak. Nothing came out. The scars on my wrist remind me that it was my fault; my fault I lost you. My fault that I broke you, and it was all my fucking fault you killed yourself. Oh my god bella. You do not know how much I fucking love you. But now you're gone and-
The letter ends there. The ink gets smudgy and the rest of the page is ripped; my heart is pounding as well are my ears. My chest tightens as the sound of Luke's voice snaps me back into reality.
He leans against the doorframe with one arm crossed against his chest and the other playing with his lip ring; he's smirking with a blush creeping up his cheeks.
He scans me up and down and chuckles. "You look really hot in band merch you know." He stops in midsentence with his eyes wide open like he regretted every word that just came out of his mouth; he mumbles a "sorry" then sits next to me.
His dirty blonde hair isn't styled up with all his fancy gel; instead its left down messy like he just woke up wearing a hat. He's biting his lip trying to cover the stupid smile on his face and in seconds he wraps his arms around me and pulls me down on this bed with him; soft giggles and chuckles escape from the both of us.
His eyes are fixed on mine as we look at each other; Luke and I used to do this all the time; for hours until end. We both escape reality and enter a new world. Looking in another person's eyes shows you a whole different person that you never get to see. Different shades of blue are mixed in together as if a great artist painted them. The colours in his eyes aren't so dull and boring as they used to be, but now there's one thing in them I haven't seen in a long time; happiness.
I bite my lip too as I notice I'm smiling like an idiot too, I turn away but he quickly turns me around.
"Bella, you don't know how much I've missed you." he says with his lips tugging into a smile, my cheeks flush the slightest of pinks as he continues "And you don't know how much I've missed doing this." He pulls me in cupping my cheeks with his hands, and puts his lips close to mine hesitating to kiss me, our eyes focusing then he does it. I do it; we both do it. We're kissing, setting off fireworks and every feeling I've stored in my body for the past few months. We don't pull away but I can feel him smiling as I let go; both our cheeks are flushed with the reddest of reds.
"Bella, I lo-really like you." Luke says covering up his mistake, there's a thought in the back of my mind telling me that this is a bad idea. And yeah I do agree I stay silent and play with my fingers, chipped nail polish on each of them and poorly cut nails sets a frown on my face. "Please say something." Hye pleads but I stay silent once again as I've been doing for the past week with him.
He outs his head in his hands a sighs, he rubs his forehead with his palms and leaves the room once again. I sigh too as I probably made the biggest mistake leading him on. What am I doing? Why am I even here? I can't hide from Mike all my life; and I decided I need to confront him about Cathy.
