I put a trigger warning so guys. This is a warning.
Bella
Sometimes I feel like as if there was no point in living. We were made on this earth to die. We were all born to die, to get hurt, to be scarred, and broken. So why; is all I say, in 150 years or so, after I die; no one will notice or even know who I was or why I existed. So why do we live?
I put on a black oversized sweater and some sweat pants to cover all what I did to myself. I was getting better; I was, that is.
Sometimes I wonder why I even cared so much for a person who I knew; would destroy me.
Luke destroyed the walls I've taken years to build.
He destroyed all my feelings I've ever had of him and anybody else.
But now; there's nothing left.
I used to cry; but my inspiration for anything; has run dry.
I bite my nails which were a habit I always had. It's not a very good habit but who cares? No one. As I said before I feel nothing.
Not even the cold blade against my skin can trigger emotions from me. My numb arm which used to be burning in hurt a few months ago is nothing; feels nothing but the cold to me.
I look down at the sleeves of my sweater covering my hands so only my fingers show as my hair falls so carelessly on my face.
-
I sit across the dinner table from Michael who was quietly chewing his food. He looked up at me and back down at his food.
"You can talk to me if you'd like." He said quietly; finishing off the last piece of bacon on his plate. I look from my plate to him; nothing. I stay there looking at him with a dead gaze.
"God Dammit Bella, I can't fuck take it anymore, it's been three months! You don't eat, you don't talk, when are you going to realize that Luke is never going to come back." If I was my old self a few months ago I'd cry and breakdown at this exact moment but I don't. I stay still and quiet. I want to throw my plate at him; I'd want to scream and yell at him to leave me alone, to run away to paradise; but I can't. There's nothing left inside of me to fight anymore.
"Fuck." He says deeply sighing; rubbing his eyes with his hands. He goes into the other room to take a quick minute to cool down. I still sit there, in the same position I've been in for the past twenty minutes using my fork to move around the food on my plate. He steps back into the kitchen wearing fresh new clothes instead of that horrid bus uniform I see all the time.
"Let's go, we're going out" Michael says quietly, not even making eye contact with me as his eyes flicker around the room. I nod as he starts walking toward the front door me following closely behind him. I stop at the front door grabbing my jacket and put my brown shoes on; this brings me back.
As he walks down the hall into the elevator I join him not so long after. I stand there as he pats his foot on the ground with his eyes so tightly shut.
He walk out of the apartment building walking toward the park which was across the street. We sit quietly on the park bench enjoying the warm sun and cool breeze around us.
Flashback
"You're beautiful you know that?" Luke says kissing my cheek as he stumbles his way around a big mud puddle
"You're all muddy you know that?" I say
"What? No I'm no-"I push him into a muddy puddle from last night's rain. We both laugh and he takes me into the puddle with him; ruining my new shoes I bought yesterday.
He's on the puddle with his stomach facing up and me on top of him. We stay silent for a couple minutes; enjoying each other's silence. We're now both side in side lying down watching eachother's eyes in amazement.He closes his eyes; and quickly opens as I say three words I've never thought I'd ever say in my life.
"I love you."
He hesitates before he grins widely.
"I love you more."
Flashback over
"Uh Bella, are you awake?" Michael says shaking me on the shoulder; I look up at him. Well do I look awake? A voice inside me stirs and I flinch.
"I was thinking...well-I sort of signed you up for therapy." He says playing with his fingers.
Therapy? What's the fucking point? We won't even talk. The voice says once again.
"This, this habit of yours" he says pausing "It isn't right. It-it's not healthy, for you, and for me" Michael runs his fingers through his hair
"I only want what's best for you Bella, I really do."
-
"Oh hello bella, it's nice having you here today, my name is Catherine Welsh, you can call me Cathy if you'd like." My 'therapist' says holding out her hand for me to shake; instead I look at it without saying a single word. In the corner of my eye; I see Cathy giving a reassuring smile to Michael.
"She's like that a lot" Michael says to her giving me a reassuring smile
"I'm really worried about her, I'm sort of the only one she's got left." Michael adds rubbing his arm. 'Only one?' the voice inside me scoffs. 'You and I both know you still have me.'
I don't take any time to react instead.
My head stirs;
My body aches;
My heart cracks;
My vision blacks out;
And next thing I know
My whole body hits the floor.
Am I dead? I hope I am.
-
I wake up finding the familiar scent of bacon and coffee; but finding the wrong bed. This isn't my bed this is Michaels. These aren't my clothes these are Michael's.
"How are you feeling?" a voice says behind me.
It's not Michael's eyes; they're blue.
It's not Michael's vibrant purple hair; it's dirty blonde.
It's not Michael;
It's Luke.
Fuck.
***
sososo
sorry guys it's short.
but
I love you anyways;
I just noticed; bella and a guy who is gone: (TWIGHLIGHT) it's not anywhere near twilight; just putting it out there.
anddddddddddddddd
where's any of you from?
even though none of you will answer;
erm goal
attleast 20 reads
atleastt 10 votes
atleasttttt 3 comments lol
EVERYONES LIKE OMG 200K AND IM LIKE
YES
YES
50 READSSSS. I ACTUALLY LOVE ALL OF YOU I DONT CARE IF THERE ARE ONLY 50 I WILL WRITE AND FINSISHH THIS BOOK; HELL I WILL EVEN MAKE A SEQUEL.
see ya later buzzers;
