I cant. I can't feel anything. the numbing sensation is spreading across my body. there's a sharp sound in my ear that sends me screaming.
Uncomfortably numb. it hurts. michael rushes in. it seems to familiar. it's an endless cycle that I can't seem to get out of.
Fuck. am I dying?
The sound in my ears grow louder and I can't seem to get rid of it. I'm on the ground pounding my ears as michaels trying his best to comfort me.
I want him to leave. I-no I need him. michael dials something on his phone, probably 911, but the numbers he punched in were too long. It seems to familiar. all too same.
He holds me tight as I feel his tears on my neck and his body shaking against mine. I can feel that he's trying to say something. but I can't hear anything. I'm sitting up with his body against mine. him cradling me as I feel slightly better.
Then suddenly, I can't move. suddenly everything goes silent. Suddenly, my vision goes blurry. I can't see anything. it's dark. too dark. I yell again. My body collides with the floor. The presence of Michael is gone. I feel so alone.
Suddenly my head feels heavy. my whole body seems to be dragged. like something's pulling me down. I yell again. but as soon as I do, someone's hand covers my mouth.
-
I wake up. a light bulb like the ones you see in movies are the only thing I see. my body feels sore. where am i? How did I get here?
I try my best to sit up but the the tubes attached to the machines pull me down. am, am I in the hospital?
I turn my head. this room is blank. everything's white. the walls are plain white with no spot of colour. I'm in light blue scrubs and so fucking confused.
The sound of a door opens. high heels across the floor making it's way over to me. The bed I'm in is rising so I could see the mysterious woman in heels.
Cathy? what the hell?
She's dressed very classy, a maroon blazer with a matching dress skirt. her hairs in a bun, what she's wearing I really couldn't care less. I'm practically naked other than the thin sheet of scrubs covering me.
Her arms are crossed with the same clipboard in her hands as she gives me a fake forced smile.
"Bella, I'm glad you're awake.'' she says looking at the clipboard. She sighs putting her clipboard down sitting on the edge of the bed.
"You must be very confused of where you are." she sadly smiles "it's a place to get better" she says as if she's said it many times "it's not a rehabilitation centre, don't worry." she pauses blinking. I look at her with a pained expression and her eyes soften
"Look" she says setting her hands on her lap "to clear things up, I am not your mother" she says taking off her glasses "but I was very close to her" she smiles "you're mother was my half sister." what the fuck? Is that why they look like each other? How come I've never known? Questions flood all over me. Each wanting it's own answer
"I'm not going to go into much detail. as I'm supposed to tell you so little." she says looking down then back up at me. I put a strand of hair I between my fingers and slowly nod for her to go on.
"You're mom really did pass away in that car crash. I'm sorry" she softly smiles "she wasn't loyal to your father either." she drops her head looking down at her perfectly manicured nails.
"She had an affair with my husband." a year rolls down her cheek as she continues "that night, when she passed, my husband and I were the one that crashed with hers." she puts her hands on her cheeks as if it were to stop the make up running down from her face "coincidence right?" she scoffs in disgust
"We argued because I found out." her sentences are coming out cracky showing her pain. she takes her pinky finger slowly swiping off the make up from her eye.
"That's why I was always so uneasy with you. Because of what your mother did. I'm sorry because you didn't deserve any of it." she pulls out a tissue from the pocket of her blazer and tried to wipe the make up from her face.
"Ever since I got to know more about you" she pauses smiling "it made me think that you weren't so bad after all."
"I've done so much to you, and it hurt you. it will still hurt you." she says calmly looking at the ground "this confession, is one of many." she looks up at me. "and I'm afraid you can't handle it."
My eyes go wide and my lips are trembling. Of many?
She sighs. "I don't think you can ha-" I shake my head "I've handled way worse. Cathy. please. just-do it."
She sighs once again."is that it? you're not even going to ask where you are?" I don't care where I am. I don't care what's going to happen. if my whole past was a lie, what's the point
"No, Cathy tell me the lies. tell me all the lies of my life. tell me that I'm not crazy. that I'm just broken hearted." I plead and she looks up at me. Her eyes show defeat and finally gives in
"The-the times you saw Luke, the times you heard your mixtape playing in your head." she pauses looking away.
"It was real. all of it." what the actual fuck?
I give her a disgusted look, if I weren't strapped onto this fucking bed. her face would be gone. I wasn't crazy, what the fuck? So the time in my room. the time at the ice cream parlour, and in the kitchen. Luke was actually there? why? what the hell? And our songs, that wasn't all in my fucking head? I thought I was mad. insane. I killed myself for it.
"So, you just fucking played with my head to..what?" I paused trying to exaggerate the words rolling off my tongue with bitter poison.
"I...I-I needed to know how you'd react." she says hiccuping her sobs as if she didn't believe what came out of her mouth..
"For what?!" I snapped.
"For your sanity. for how you can deal with these situations! I don't know!" she says getting louder by the minute.
"I told you, you couldn't handle it" she says standing up adjusting her outfit. I sit there. "I'll come back another time. as I see you're, unstable." She mumbles
I bite my lip. trying to contain the anger boiling inside of me. I breathe in and out. this is hard. I can't breathe. I need to get out.
I'm hyperventilating and my body feels hot. I suddenly have my head I between my knees as Cathy pats me slowly on my back.
"I'm not so sure i should go on" She says shaking her head "Bella, i should really tell you some other time." I almost shout an immediate no, but instead i grab her arm squeezing it, telling her that i want to know more.
She sigh, adjusting her sitting position so she's more comferatable. She looks at me and says it almost sarcasrically "Are you ready for the next confession?" she asks me when I finally calm down. I slowly nod my head, biting my bottom lip. she sighs.
"Stacey isn't my daughter." She says disgusted by herself. What? they look like each other. I don't get it. why. why was she even in the picture?
"She was payed to act like that. to be all 'bitchy' to you as it said in her contract." she scoffs crossing her arms. contract?
"What do you mean contract?" I ask. it's funny. how a day ago I vowed never to speak. or all those other times before. but right now. at this moment. I need my voice most.
"Oh Bella" she says softly taking my hand "this isn't just therapy, this is something way out of anyone's control."
I AM GOING TO PUNCH A WALL I SWEAR. LULE DID NOT DIE OH MY GOD. IT SAYS RIGHT IN THE BEGINNING. I MADE A WHOLE CHAPTER OB IT. PLEASE. I WILL LEGIT MAKE THIS STORY PRIVATE. IF YOU CANT READ THE VERY SENTENCE IN BOLD ITALICS. THEN I WILL FIND YOU. AND PUCH YEW.
HEHEEH KAY SO THIS CHAPTER? DUN DUN DUHHH. FIRST OF DOZENS OF TWISTS. UM CLEARED UP A BIT AND STUFF. CHAPTERS GOING TO BE UP SOON I HOPE.
THANK YOU LOVELY AMAZING PEOPLE NO-MAGICAL SEXY VESTS FOR READING. 83K!!!! 🙊
ADDING MORE TO THIS CHAPTER IN THE FOLLOWING WEEK AHA
