[filler chapter y'all but v important thingys on dis. twist comin]
I can't even look Michael in the eyes anymore-actually anyone's really. I've been hurt and betrayed by the people most clost to me and i cant do anything about it.
During my therapy sessions; all we seem to do is listen to my mixtape. The new one Luke gave to me. All i do is sit and stare at the empty space as Cathy and Michael think its the most interesting thing in the world whispering, discussing, and jotting things down.
Track after track. I feel less and less empty.
Escaping reality and into the past. As if all my problems are gone.
But today, listening to one of the last tracks to side one; seem to bring back all of them.
"Bella, I'm going to play you this song...track 16? It's called 'interstate love song' by-"
"Stone Temple Pilots." Michael cuts her off as if it seems he were saying it to himself. From the corner of my eye i see Cathy giving him a stern look as he continues, pretending i'm not in front of him; he whispers to Cathy.
"Let's skip this one for today." Michael says "Track 17? Is that okay?" And Cathy shakes her head
"I'm afraid we cant do that, as her therapist, and as she, the "Patient" she air quotes. "Its her desision." She says motioning her hand out to me.
"You wanna skip it?" Michael asks me nudging my shoulder. I dont respond. I dont shake my head or nod it. I dont look away from the dull window before me.
Instead; i stay silent.
Interstate love song was Luke and i's song, aside from all apologies. And Michael knew that, from the top of his head. Late nights blasting the walls of our apartment with '94 rock songs; but this.
this is the song he played the most. this is the song i chose over all my nirvana favourites. the song where he'd sing me to sleep. the song he made an acoustic version for just to make me forgive him for making me cry.
"Well" Cathy says clapping her hands as she stands up. "It's settled then." She presses play and takes a seat. observing my every move.
but of course like always; i dont do anything.
instead of the sound stone temple pilots' voice; i picture Luke. Playing on his guitar as he's humming to the song, laying his head on my lap as I play with his hair. Memories like these felt ages ago, as if they didnt even exist. Me happy..? well thats all gone now.
"waiting on a sunday afternoon" He starts singing as he hits all those notes perfectly as if it were his own. "...something" he mumbles causing me to giggle
"I thought you loved this song?" I ask him and he immedietly retaliates.
"I do!" He says throwing his hands in the air causing the guitar to fall onto the floor "shit-its hard singing a song i love.. to a g-" He sighs mumbling a 'nevermind'
He lays his head back onto my lap but adjusts his head to look at me. I smirk at him as he gives me a confusing look.
"What?" he says
"What were you saying just a little while ago?" i ask him wiggling my eyebrows. His cheeks tint with the slightest of reds.
"...shit..?" He trails off as i giggle
"Nope not that" I say "It's hard singing a song i love to-to-to" I say trying my best immitating him. He puts his shirt over his face showing only his dirty blonde hair, and combines a cross laugh to a groan.
"Ugh" He says laughing "I dont sound like that" from where i am i can guess he's pouting. He slowly peeps out of his shirt so only his eyes are visible.
"I was going say" he breathes in deeply "It's hard singing a song I love to a girl i love more." He says sitting up with a smirk now on his face.
My cheeks heat up as he wraps his arms around me pinning me down on the couch, holding me tighter as he nuzzles his face in my neck.
"Woah" Michael says coming into the living room with his hands over his head. "Keep it pg in here" Luke sits up immedietly as Michael sits on the same couch as us turning on the t.v
Both our cheeks flush as Michael comments "you two are fucking adorable" as if he were a snobby teenage girl.
Flipping through the channels Luke wraps an arm around me as he grabs the guitar. Michael looks back at us as if we were crazy; giving us a wierd look then turns the t.v of leaving us. But he stands near the wall of the end of the living room and looks at us
"Relationships" He says flipping his hair back and walking away.
"I think i can sing to you now" He says clearing his throat as he stand up facing me.
"waiting on a Sunday afternoon
for what I read between the lines,
your lies." He smiles as he continues not daring to look away from my eyes "feelin' like a hand in rusted shame so do you laugh at those who cry? reply?" He stops singing as he takes the guitar off him
"I cant take it." He breathes in. "Youre too god damn beautiful."
-
"Bella?" Cathy snaps her fingers in front of my eyes. "Youre back into the real world." She says sitting back down on her chair "finally" she mumbles under her breath.
I'm surprised i didnt cry. That memory of luke and i were too foggy to forget but so easily to remember.
"Well. anyways that is wrap for now..." She trails off writing something down on a peice of paper handing it to Michael.
"And i will see you next thursday." She smiles her fake smile walking me toward the door.
As I sit in the passenger seat of Michael's car he looks at me in the eyes sighing. as he turns the keys
"Look, I'm sorry." He says putting his seatbelt on. "Sorry for not being there when you needed me most." he pauses "But you know i love Stacey." He says driving away from Cathy's mental house.
I stay quiet as i pretend to be 'there' "And i know it's your house and everything, but we arranged an apartment for you downtown so you dont have to worry about where you'd live and-" I zone out
this conversation is full bull shit.
I want to bash out yelling at him, ruin his car and run away. from everything. but as hard as i try.
the darkness within over powers me. no voice left as i have no choice but to listen to him speak. on and on, how happy he'd be with stacey if i left.
Looking out into my window ignoring everything he's saying i observe everything. The way the rain falls at the precise moments; one by one. The way the kids on the street being nagged by their mothers to not splash the puddles as if it were to ruing their clothing.
The way the wind moves the rain in all different directions. It's as if the whole world stopped before my eyes. Everythings slowing down.
"Bella? did you hear me?" Michael snaps me back into reality "Of course not. Wht the fuck do you have to be so damn difficult?" He snaps opening the door as rain comes in the car as he gets out walking into the apartment builiding.
I flinch. For the first time in weeks i show emotion. Because i know that i'm sure as hell scared for what becomes of me and michael.
"everyjuan applaude as i ally has written your chapter earrly" clap yasss
authors notes will be short from now on. unless you guys juant me to have long juans containing my daily stories. martin is heavanly and lovely guys. he's vury sweet and smells nice. FETUS MIKEY. he plays pokemon w/ me on our ds's okay? ok. bye love y'all
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