SORRY FOR LATE UPDATE JUST ALOT OF CRAP GOIN ON. AND BELLAS GETTING SASSY. SNAP.
I sit; reading the note over and over again. No, this can't be real can it? I've been having all these emotions and feelings that I can't seem to get out.
I'm confused.
So confused.
First I had this hatred for Luke, then I liked him, then I ran from him, and finally I suddenly like him again? What am I doing? I need help. I cant be doing things like this anymore.
I should just-just finish this therapy and go on with my life. Leave everything, and everyone behind. and never, look back.
I hold the mixtape in my hands as if it were to fall and break on the ground and hold it tight. I step outside Calum's room finding Michael and him softly whispering and discussing something to each other. Their heads snap toward my direction, as they notice me getting closer and closer to the couch they're sitting on.
"Hey" Michael says standing up ready to wrap his arms around me. I back away not wanting him to touch me and he gives me a sad look. "Belle, are-are you alright?"
I look at him with my dull broken eyes and shrug with no emotion in my face, he puts his hands on his face and at that time I look to Calum softly smiling in his direction. He gives me sad smile then looks down awkwardly at his feet.
"Do-do you wanna go home now?" Michael asks me.
Home? I haven't heard that word in a while. the word almost seems too foreign for me to understand. I look at him as I did the same before, slowly nodding my head.
He nods his head to Calum which he nods back with a sad expression on his face. Michael turns his body heading toward the door as I look over my shoulder, looking at Calum. One hand I wrapped tightly on his other arm his face staring directly at the ground.
Michael makes his way down the hall as I stay behind, slowly walking to Calum. He slowly raises his head looking at me. I give him the best smile I can, and he returns it. He slowly glances between the mixtape in my hands and my eyes, his smile fading away slowly.
"I'm sorry." He says, sorry? His face is now buried in his arms as they are wrapped around him.
Sorry?
I poke him once on the top of his head, him looking up once again. He gives me that same sad smile. That sad smile that makes my heart ache. I want to ask him why he's acting this way.
Why he's not smiling like he used to.
And why he's sorry.
But I cant. I cannot speak. No words come out no matter how hard I try. So instead, I kiss him on the top of his head and slowly walking in the direction of Michael's footsteps.
-
I close our apartment door behind me and take in the sight before my eyes. It's different. The living room; the couches where I played and grew up with is now replaced with a brand new leather couch. The VCR is now replaced with a Blu-ray player. The walls are now painted in a light beige colour in replacement of the laughter stained walls.
Our kitchen; where Michael and I tried to perfect our baking skills, is now replaced with marble counters and expensive microwaves.
And the walls in the hall are no longer framed with pictures of Michael and I; they are all replaced with polaroid pictures of Stacy and him.
I make my way into my room slowly opening the door, i'm scared to what I might see, but as I opened the door, it's exactly the way I left it.
I step inside throwing my shoes anywhere really, and practically throw myself onto my bed. I lie on my back staring up at my old cracked ceiling; where I'd look up for hours on end until I fell asleep. The ceiling where my dad and I would throw up wet toilet paper and try to get it stuck. The ceiling where Michael and I would try to reach as little kids pretending to be astronauts.
