lowercase intended lol, uhh adding more in the coming week :/ i hate that its so short.
Michael grabs me by my hand a pulls me close. He takes me and leads me further into the deep aisle of cans. What is he doing?
"I forgot to grab some ... Beans." He mumbles as if he could read my thoughts. Beans? I pull my hand away from him as he looks at me, then looks away setting down the grocery basket. Him deep in thought looking at the cans of beans, seems as if he's zoned out or something.
I put my sleeves over my hands setting my arm on my shoulder, giving it a scratch. I look down at my feet uncomfortably and wiggle my toes. A smile creeps up n my face remembering how Luke would think the were adorable. I tuck my hair behind my ear and watch Michael slowly.
His body crouched down his finger on his lip as he were to decide the beans he were to eat for the rest of my life. I clasp my hands together interlocking them both, smiling; I recall the memory of Luke and i's first encounter of holding hands.
I hear a large thud on the ground as more come after I slowly turn my head, I see a few streaks of blonde as I finally realize who it was. Luke. He crouched down, his eyes blinking repeatedly picking up the cans of fruit he dropped on the floor. My heart beats. Not fast. But not slow. It's neutral. As if he doesn't make any impacts in me anymore.
Michael takes my hand once again, I jerk away walking over to Luke. Michael sighs and gives up as he crosses his arms and watches my actions. I crouch down, following Luke's actions, kicking up cans one by one.
I see his eyes. His blue eyes, in the corner of my eyes. As he looks up at me. Speechless. I stand up and he does the same, me holding cans in my arms as Luke only has one dented one. I smile. And he does too. But something's wrong, it's not Luke's smile, it's not the smile that sweeps everyone off their feet.
But a sad smile. But the sad smile that sends everything flying. He looks down at the ground as he bites his lip frowning.
keep it together bella. I'm just helping. I put the cans back where it first fell off of and stand in front of him.
The boy who was-still my everything. The boy who broke my heart and without him knowing it at first-broke himself trying to do so. I nod my head as he still looks at me as if it were all a dream. I step back. and back again, finding my way to michael who was already making his way to the cash register.
"that was nice of you bella." Michael softly say, putting grocieries onto the conveyor. i dont respond but look away into the distance pretending to zone out.he sighs crossing his arms together as he scratches the side of his head
"Do you think we can talk later?" He says nervously, still i dont answer just a small nod as he exhales deeply.
-
Michael sets the bags of groceries on the table as i help put the newly bought food away. I take my jacket off as Michael eyes me carefully, as if he were forced to watch me. Putting the can of beans Michael decided to buy, i reach for the cabinet to try place it in there.
My shortness did not help, a soft chuckle from michael was heard as he starts making his way over to me, taking the cans from my hands and closing the cabinet door.
He turns and faces me, i quickly look away, staring at my feet. His fingers carefully are set under my chin, raising my head to look him straight in the eye.
His eyes look miserable, dark circles around them as if he did not sleep, his cheeks are a bit hollow as if he did not eat. He slightly smiles as he pulls me into a hug. I'm quite surprised by his actions. Not really wanting to hug back, i stand there as he holds me tighter.
I put my hand on his chest, notcing his fast heartbeat. Why is he so nervous?
"I'm sorry Bella." He says letting go of me, slightly leaning on the table "I know i've told you so many times, but you dont get it." His words came out harsh, slightly mad as if he didnt try to intend it.
He looks down scratching the back of his neck, and scoffs. "I thought" he pauses "i thought after everything, you'd atleast forgive me and things would go back to normal." he stops and starts walking past me, my body still looking directly where he used to stand.
"But things can never go back to normal can they?" He shouts me flinching. "Because Cathy was right." He says laughing "You're fucking crazy and nothing can help you!" he says kicking a chair.
tears roll down my cheeks as he continues. "Maybe you and Luke are meant to be, from his mum i heard he went mad too! Maybe as even as mad as you!" He throws his hands in the air yelling like he cant believe what just came out of his mouth.
I can tell he's facing me, just by the sound of his voice. I slowly turn around with my eyes looking directly at him. Tears streaming down my cheeks, one after another, and my lips; trembling as i know i cant take it anymore.
His eyes are wide and his mouth agape. As if he instantly regrets all the words that has just come out of his mouth.
His eyes show great pain and sorry as he starts walking to me, his arms are out as if i were to run again. I flinch and start to walk backwards, one hand covering my mouth.
"Bella." he says softly with a great tone of regret and sadness in his voice. "Fuck. I'm sorry" He's walking slower this time; this reminded me like a human and an animal, yearning for trust.
I stop and look at him. My throat aching from holding everything in. I thought he was my bestfriend.
"best friends for life" his pre-puberty voice repeats in my head.
I make a noise, like a squeal but inhaling sound. And Michael's voice cracks.
"I'm sorry" he says "fuck i really am" he repeats over and over again. I walk past him not caring that i hit his arm on the way. My mouth escapes a loud sob before i even step into my room at all. My body collapses on the ground and i dont know why.
I cant feel anything.
I cant move.
But atleast i feel comfertably numb.
His voice on the back of my head, him repeating 'sorry' crosses my mind. My eyes feel heavy and my throat burns and aches.
I've fallen, and can't get back up.
UM YEAH SO MY PARENTS SORTA BANNED ME FROM THE COMPUTER? YEAH. SO 69K I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. AND I PROMISE I WONT STOP WRITING.
i said my valedictorian speech last wednesday and my whole family asfter grad, told me it sucked, and the valedicorian should have been someone else. "that i didnt deserve it"
WELL OKAY THERE. LOVE YOU TOO.
oh and my crush for like 4 years. loves me back :0. ugh <3
TELL ME YOUR SUMMER PLANS OR THE WORST PICK UP LINE EVER FOR A DEDICATION
