Teach Me How To Love

Scattered

               

~ Demi ~

I wasn't a vulnerable person. At least, I wouldn't like to admit that to myself or anyone else for that matter. The dim lights above the table comforted me. Shielding me away from the pestering outside world that seemed to have been closing in. I was trying to weigh in on what Nick had been expressing to me earlier. He still wanted to work things out with Selena, and I understood that completely. Who would want to let her go? I smirked at my own comment, just as my left cheek grew cold. I wasn't crying. I couldn't be. My mind wandered back to Nick, the one person who had stuck by me when I didn't even want to stick with myself. I went to a dark place and somehow, he stayed with me and refused to let me go any deeper into my own despair.

I had ordered a coffee and a muffin, watching as the waiter passed by just before gazing into the smooth table before me. My reflection was a blur, a small image of myself bouncing back at me. I didn't want to hurt Nick, because through all of my madness and all of his sweet gestures and annoying quirks, he loved Selena. He loved her even when I didn't know how. But he would of never gotten to see the real her if I was never there to help him. It's crazy, even when I refused to see her, I was helping him win her over. The waitress walked back over, placing my coffee and muffin before me, turning to leave as I took in a deep breath.

Selena was everything to me. She was the first real friend I ever had. She knew how to cheer me up when no one else could. She fought my battles for me, failing miserably but trying none the less. I snickered, rolling my eyes at my own thoughts just as my heart grew heavy. Those last few months with her, before I completely detached myself from her presence years ago, she tried fixing what she didn't even know was wrong. She gave me her undivided attention and that in itself began to suffocate me. Because I wanted more from those gentle looks and caring words than she would have ever known back then.

But now, she knew. She heard my plea. I poured my heart out to her and here I was over thinking what Nick was saying because he was my friend. I wanted him to be happy. But if his happiness came from my misery, was he truly someone I could count on? I couldn't process my own thoughts, allowing them to rumble and roam about as screams echoed outside. No one could see me through the large tinted blinds. But I didn't count on her coming to search for me. I slowly glanced towards the door, spotting Selena standing next to the owner, his eyes shooting straight towards the massive group of fans following after her. I drew my attention back towards my hands. The darkened space would surly hide me from her gaze.

I could hear her shuffling past different tables, her heels clicking against the linoleum just as she stopped next to me. I didn't look up. She was dressed in one of her outfits for the show, which definitely would attract attention, even for those who hadn't known her. The silence seemed to have gone on forever until she slid her fingers against my cheeks. My head resting in her palms as I glanced up at her. That familiar pang of seeing her and wanting so much more overtook me once again. She stood studying me, her thumbs brushing my face.

"I can't un-love you." My words practically shattered as her eyes saddened. She dropped her hands over mine.

"I never asked you to." Her gentle whispers trying to bandage an already chipped heart.

"And yet... I have to."

"Demi." My name had never come out so shaken before. Selena slid into the booth next to me, holding onto my fingers once again as I glanced away. "If you're saying this because of whatever Nick..."

"This isn't about him." I admitted. "This is about you, and what's best for you."

"You can't make that decision for me. At least not when the two of us are involved."