𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

Dear diary? • Conor

Okay, so this one is kinda sad. But super cool. Hope you enjoy. Xx
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Monday 23rd April

Hey, it's me again.

Not sure how to start this update but I've been made to do it, the doctor insists it's good for my mental health.

I don't agree, I'm just soaking the page with my tears.

So, Conor got me a ring yesterday, one that means he wants to propose, in the future. One that some call, a promise ring.
I cried, but with joy this time.

But, I'm also sad.

Sad at the fact I probably won't make it to the proposal, marriage, and whatever else comes after that.

I nearly did it yesterday, but Con came home early.

I don't want to say goodbye but I can't take it. My mind is tearing me apart!!

I spoke to Naomi, she said I needed to talk to him. But I won't, I've already got my plan ready.

At 7:30pm I will ready everything in the bathroom, run the bath.

I will walk to see Conor, tell him how much he means to me and kiss him like there's no tomorrow - well, probably because there won't be.

Next I'll lock myself in the bathroom, undress, grab the blades, sit in the bath.

Done.

See you later diary, thanks for nothing.

And remember, curiosity killed the cat.

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Wednesday 25th April

Baby can you hear me?

I found your diary and I'm writing in a pencil that I found on the floor.

Are you still here?

I love you

Baby?

Please come back

I'm curious.

Where are you my love?

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Friday 27th April

Hi it's Conor again

I know how much Y/n hated writing in this thing so I'm doing it for her, whilst she stares down from heaven.

Anddddddd I have absolutely fuck all to say

I'm broken baby

I miss you

Sweet dreams

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Wednesday 6th September

Long time no see.

It's been 5 months baby.

And I fucking miss you. So much.

I'm trying to stay positive.

A random day to write in this you may ask? Well, that's because it's our daughters birthday my love.

Our baby's three years old today!

I wish you could have seen the smile on her face when Anna told her to blow out the candles on her huge cake.

Our little one misses you so much.

Hope you having fun up there my angel, I love you always.

Your Conbear x

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Two years later

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Tuesday 19th January

I'm so sorry baby.

I did something wrong and I can't handle myself so I turned to this mother fucking diary.

Our baby got ill, but I just told her to go to bed anyway.
I should of listened and took her to the doctors but I didn't.

Is she okay? Is she with you now?

It all happened so fucking quick.

They took her away, I said goodbye, and that was it.

She had sepsis from the infection she had on her leg when she fell over. It got into her bloodstream.

How could I be so stupid?
I'm so sorry.

I've been in counselling for weeks, months even. Medicated for depression too. I'm falling apart even more now.

Without you and now her too? I don't think I can do this.

I love you so much

Keep our baby safe for me yeah?

Always
Xxx

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Friday 10th February

Okay,

This is the last entry I'm making in this thing, ever.

I'm a bit better...no, I lied.
I'm worse.

I moved in with Jack and Josh, but don't worry. I still have all your stuff with me baby. I'll never ditch that.

I stayed with Mum, Dad and Anna for a bit, they're really sad too.

I hope one day I get to make someone as happy as you two made me. You gave me the belief that I could do anything.

But now I'm lost.

Wearing your ring around my neck has helped though. It reminds me of your warm touch and kisses in the morning.

Baby's tiny bracelet that she always wore on her wrist as a gift from you Grandma is always on me, whether that's in my wallet, around my neck chain etc.

I miss you guys so much.

Forever and ever and ever and ever

Conor -
Baby's daddy
And your love

Xx

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