Eternally Yours

Chapter 6 ♪ Drunk Enough

Chris laid restlessly in his bunk, staring up at the bunk above him. Beside him laid Gaiapatra sleeping peacefully, her head resting on his arm. It was late, way past midnight and even though Chris was physically exhausted he couldn't shut off his mind. It was becoming aggravating, so finally he slid carefully out of the bunk and successfully got to his bare feet without interrupting Gaiapatra's slumber. The bunk room was dark but when he entered the kitchen the light above the stove illuminated the way, even illuminating Ricky sitting at the kitchen table with a white coffee mug in his palms. Chris didn't greet him, he opened the refrigerator door and grasped a bottled water.

"Can't sleep?" Ricky finally said.

Chris downed some water before joining Ricky at the table.

"No. Why are you awake?"

"I was on the phone with Jaime," he replied and Chris nodded understandingly. A moment of silence passed by. "want to explain why you completely changed the playlist today and stormed off stage? For ten years Chris, you've never done anything like that before and it freaked me the fuck out."

Chris facepalmed, sighing heavily and rubbing his face. He didn't want to answer that question because he was embarrassed by his behavior on stage in front of fans but Ricky was one of his best friends and he knew that Ricky would always be available for listening to anything.

"I saw her."

Ricky glared at Chris in confusion for a moment until he saw the look in Chris' hazel eyes. He mouthed an "oh".

"Audrina..."

"I just felt so much fucking hate inside of me, Ricky. She was just standing there, trying to blend in with the rest of the crowd but she didn't. I was looking at the crowd, looking at the faces and then suddenly..." Chris paused momentarily, reminiscing the second he recognized her. "I saw her silver hair. And when I recognized her face... I wanted to jump off that stage and, I don't know, scream at her? I just couldn't believe she was there, watching me, after that shit back in Scranton. I had to give her a message and the only way I could was to sing to her."

Ricky listened to Chris' words carefully, trying to understand what he must have felt during that.

"But after we finished the set, you disappeared. Where'd you go?"

Chris hesitated.

"I went looking for her," he mumbled. "I found her. I told her I'd move on and she told me she had too, she said she was just there because Elizabeth invited her. Basically, she had no intention of talking to me or being seen. She told me she was happy for me, for moving on," Chris chuckled, as if he didn't believe that. "then I told her to stay out of my life."

"Why did you go looking for her?"

"I don't know!" he said a little too loud. He sighed loudly, drinking the water.

"I think you do know, Chris. You need to start being honest with yourself. You still have feelings for her, don't you? You went after her because you wanted to see her, you wanted to talk to her. I know you love her, Chris. I saw how distraught you were after she left."

"I did love her, I don't anymore. I feel nothing for her."

"Bullshit, you're lying through your teeth!" Ricky spat.

He knew Chris way too well to believe the bullshit he was trying to feed him.

"Ricky, she left me in Scranton! She turned away without a fucking care in the world, even after I told her I loved her and I'm meant to love someone like that?" Chris laughed. "no way."

"But you do love her, dumbass. Stop lying to yourself. Tell me the truth, Chris. Why did you go searching for her after we finished the set and what did you really feel?"

Chris didn't want to relive it, but he was thanks to Ricky. He stared at the ground, feeling a painful throb in his chest.

"I needed to see if I still felt anything for her."

"And?" Ricky pushed, he was pushing extremely hard.

For a year, Chris has been lying to everyone including himself. For months, Ricky witnessed Chris at his lowest. He was miserable and heartbroken, then one day he was completely fine and Gaiapatra was in the picture not long after. Ricky believed it was a front all along, he just wouldn't admit that and it took today for Chris to realize it himself.

"I still fucking love her."

The hurt that lingered in Chris' voice made Ricky feel sympathetic. He bit his bottom lip, thinking of what to say next.

"I think you always will, Chris. I know you care about Gaia, a lot. But she's not Audrina and you can't force her to be, you can't force yourself to love Gaia."

"Audrina doesn't love me, she will never love me and I will be a fool to let her ruin my life! I am thirty years old Ricky, I wasted my life loving her and when I admitted it. She threw it back at my face. Ripped it up and walked out of my life, like it meant nothing!"

"I think she's afraid to love you, Chris. I think she does love you but she's terrified to allow herself to. You did break her heart before, right? That's what caused the conflict between you two. What has told her you won't again?"

Chris opened his mouth to respond but shut it, changing his answer.

"Nothing."

"Exactly," breathed Ricky. "I think you seriously need to think about everything, Chris. About you and Gaia, and most importantly about Audrina. I don't think you will be a fool for letting her ruin your life, whatever the fuck that means. But I think you will be a fool for not fighting for the love you feel for her, because let me tell you something. This may be the only true thing I will ever say in my life and I want you to really burn this into your thick skull; you cannot ignore true love," Ricky stood from the table and patted Chris' shoulder. "I love you, dude. Stop being an idiot. Now, I'm going to bed. Think about what I said, seriously."

Chris nodded his head.

"Goodnight, Ricky."

Once alone, Chris buried his face into his hands and thought hard. He thought so hard for so long he was getting a headache, but he wouldn't stop and he wouldn't go to bed. Ricky had gone to bed an hour ago and Chris still sat in the same spot, reliving every moment with Audrina from the very beginning. He felt nauseous and kept feeling the painful throbbing in his chest. Was this what love felt like? Chris finally got up, tossing the empty plastic bottle into a recycling bin underneath the counter, and wandered to the bunk area to take his phone off the charger. Being quiet was a little hard, since he stubbed his toe on the edge of the door, but he managed to escape without waking a soul. The bright light made his eyes hurt but he dealt with it. This would be a long shot. Chris went to Instagram and typed in the last username he knew of Audrina's. The last time he tried to find her, she had him blocked but to his ultimate surprise he was unblocked. His mind told him that this had to be an old account, but the pictures she had shared was recent, as recent as today at Carolina Rebellion. He saw pictures of the bands; selfies of her, a picture with Elizabeth, a group photo with two guys, then a picture of her kissing a guy. Chris clicked on the photo and read the caption;

"So lucky to have you in my life!"

Chris gathered up as much courage he could muster and began to send her a private message.

Chrismotionless: can we talk?

He pressed send. And the waiting game began.  

...

I hope this chapter told you everything you've been wanting to hear! I tried my hardest to make Chris seem confuse but heartbroken, because let's just face it, he's both at the moment. I would like to ask if you prefer reading in Chris' POV or Audrina's or do you like when I mix them both up? Please comment down below so I know in the future. What do you think will happen next?! Song; Drunk Enough - Angels Fall.